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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ranting, Ranting, Ranting OR Yes, Let the Ranting Begin

Recently, we started to build a tree house for our eight year old daughter.  Yea!  Treehouse-ity goodness.  We were pumped.  We built until our little fingers got blisters and then we went back for more.  Cressy participated.  Mostly she said, "Mommy, put the board there," and "Daddy, the screw doesn't go into your finger."  Hey, supervision at its best.
There it is, in construction.  You can see the potential.
You can also see the windows of the neighbors
who squealed like little, pissed-off, noisy, obnoxious
piggies to the Zoning Department.
We got a platform up.  We floored the platform.  We started building the walls.  we bought actual windows and I put one up.  (I know it's a little out of order, but it looked cool.)  We put a trap door in the bottom.  We put a slide on it.  We put a climbing wall on one side.  We were about to finish the framing of the house when the boom dropped.
You see, one of my new neighbors felt it was necessary to complain to the Zoning Enforcement Officer about our little tree house.  No, they didn't come over to our house and say, "What the heck?  You've blocked the view from our side window, you putz, we are outraged."  Or something perhaps a little more politically tactful.  No.  No, they just complained to the City of H'ville.  The Zoning Enforcement Officer came over and knocked on the door.  His name is Jeff.  Jeff was pretty nice about it.  (My mommy friend suggested I draw little squealing pigs, so I tried but I like the animated gif for that commercial a whole lot.  Too bad it doesn't do sound.)

Look, here's a gif with a tree house in it.  I can't help myself.  I'll draw something later.

GIFSoup

The rules of the city weren't as nice.  If it has a roof, it's a no-no.  If it's in the side yard, it's a no-no.  If it's over 30 inches I think it's a no-no.  I am officially confused and pissed off.

It's a tree house for the kid.  We built it so a herd of elephants could dance on it.  I swear by all the power of Fat Women everywhere.  The New York City Rockettes could get down on that thing.  Does anyone really think that we would build a tree house that was incapable of supporting our child and possibly visiting children?
It wasn't like we built this.  And
we could have totally
built this.
Okay then.  I just finished taking out my anger on the tree house and sending scorching looks over to the neighbor in question.  (Jeff said it was anonymous but I have suspicions, especially since the people kept glaring out the windows at us.  That's always an enjoyable experience, having your new neighbors glaring out the windows at us.  You'd think they didn't have anything else to do except glare out the window at us.)

So then I had to tell Cressy.  She was upset.  She was really into the tree house.  We could build the tree house around back but there aren't trees back there that are good enough for the tree house and the two trees that are, have poison ivy vines on them as thick as my wrist.  (Not kidding.  HIM just shuddered.  HIM is horribly allergic to poison ivy and has to go to the doctor if he just looks at it.)
Or this.  We could have
built this.
With twenty stories.
Cressy would have loved it.
Therefore I have to talk to the building inspectors tomorrow and ask about permits, but the zoning guy (Jeff) said we couldn't get one if it was in the side yard.  But if it had rails on it and no roof, it might be okay.  (More confusion from me.)  (I'm sending out waves of confusion.)

In any case, that side of the house is a big blank gray wall.  No windows.  Just a chimney.  The only people who can see it are the neighbors.  I'm thinking big purple flowers on that side with yellow polka-dotted middles.  I'm thinking flowers the size of Volkswagen Beetles.  It's a BIG wall and there isn't anything illegal about painting your house the color you want it to be.
This will be on the side of our house facing the neighbors.
Pretty soon the neighbors will be wishing they had not complained about the tree house.

7 comments:

R. Mac Wheeler said...

reminded me of the man...I think in Detroit...who painted his house pokie dots because the city pissed him off.

Civil disobedience can be so colorful.

Give Cressy a happy face from me.

Woody said...

Yeah, the neighbors are going to get a "temporary" T-pee made out of ugly blue/orange construction tarp and landscape timbers to look at until I need the tarp somewhere else. Stupid twits shoulda considered the consequences of their actions before they did them.

Linda said...

Do it! Plant the hugest, ugliest things that fall within those insidious rules. Your neighbors are self-absorbed jerks. If I were your neighbor, I would have been over with cookies or something. Geez. xoLinda

Mitch said...

OK. You've got a start on #5:

"Bubba and the very obnoxious neighbor"

Carwoo said...

But then Bubba would be the murderer. ;)

Julie S said...

What a bunch of assholes. You should make them some ex-lax brownies and I will come help you install tin foil on the side of your house so when they look out all they get is glare!!

Anonymous said...

I like the idea of the flower mural. People like that deserve what they get. I also like the tinfoil idea. You could tell them its to reflect more light on your plants. Love your blog.