Saturday, September 20, 2014

Myriad Stuff OR Myriad is Another Word for Lots

Warning: Author might randomly go off on a tangent.  Look, a squirrel.
It's Confessions of a Fat Woman so it has
a fat squirrel.  Go figure.
First off, it sucks that Longmire has been cancelled.  I want to know who got shot in the cliffhanger.  I want to call up Simon & Simon's guy and ask him if he knows.  I want to spit in A&E's general direction.  I generally don't want to do stuff like this but dammit, they didn't have to cancel after a cliffhanger.  Thffpt.
I couldn't find a funny Longmire meme, so I went with a cool one.
Wait.  I found one.  Wonder what people in Wyoming think of
Second, I've come to the conclusion that our household does not attract neurotic cats.  No, it's far more insidious.  Instead, the cats come to us normal and we make them neurotic.  That's why we have neurotic cats.  I think the new cat needs psychological help.  I think the old cat needs anger management therapy.  Telling the old cat, "Just use your indoor claws," doesn't work.  "Take a deep breath, Megaroy," doesn't work.  "The new cat is not a threat to your felininity," really doesn't work, plus I made up a word.  Somewhere there's probably a cat therapist who just said, "Oh."
Here kitt-ee, kitt-ee, kitt-ee.
This cat looks like he could chew through your arm.
Third, yes Bubba fans, I'm writing Bubba 6 or Bubba and the Ten Little Loonies.  It's happening.  I'm estimating around Christmas time for all the bubbaness to flow from me from my fingers down into the keyboard and onto the word processing program.  I'm not trying to be cute, but it's a little hard to do a series.  I want it to be right.  I want people to enjoy the book.  I don't want people to say, "It's just like all the rest," or "She has jumped the shark."  (I don't remember Fonzie jumping the shark, but hey, I don't think I watched that show that much.)
I haven't done a Bubba 6 cover yet, but
I found this one, which I need to look
up on because I have
to watch a movie called Bubba the Redneck Werewolf.
I just have to.
Fourth, squee, The Walking Dead is coming soon.  Squee.  Squee.  Squee.  In case you didn't know I love The Walking Dead.  I'm not sure why.  It's a little more grim than my usual fare.  But the zombie jokes I get to tell.  Whee.
Okay, this was lame.  But he kind of looks
like a zombie.  That would have been a better
title.  Zombie Hobo with a Shotgun.
Why don't they come to me for
Hollywood titles?
I kick ass in making up titles.
(Bubba and the Dead Woman, right?)

Fifth, Deadsville isn't selling that well.  I'm disappointed but it happens.  I'm not sure exactly where I went wrong.  I tried to write something that I thought would sell.  It didn't happen.  Therefore I've come to a decision.  I'm going to write what I like to write.  That's the joy of being an independent writer.  I get to do what I want and have fun doing it.  Like writing a blog about how we make cats neurotic.
End with a joke.  (You have to imagine the drum roll.)
There ya go.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Deadsville is Out!

Deadsville is Available!

Tavie has just died, but that isn’t the end of her existence.  Instead, she ends up “living” in Deadsville, where the dead play games, look for entertainment, and wonder when they will move on.  Reapers walk the streets occasionally, taking “deadies” who are ready to move on.  All of that’s normal until two deadies are murdered in a way that the residents of Deadsville have never seen before.  They need someone to figure it out before more bad stuff happens.  They need Tavie, that is, Detective Tavie, as she was known in the living world.  Tavie isn’t exactly happy about the promotion to Deadsville Sheriff.  She sees gods of the dead, people who died in bizarre ways, and is presented with a mystery that requires unusual creativity to solve it.  And that’s all before the dust settles from her arrival in the land of the dead.  Nothing in Deadsville is ever boring.

Deadsville – An Urban Fantasy/Mystery

Monday, September 8, 2014

Random Stuff OR I'm Just Going to Blog Whatever

I'm polishing up Deadsville.  It's at the formatters and I have to fix stuff before it gets epublished, which happens.  In the meantime people keep asking and I'm all like, "Soon.  Soon.  Soon."  It's not that I mind people asking.  (I don't.)  It's just that it's a little frustrating for me because this part is out of my hands.  I would rather be all super uber controlling.  Anyway, soon.  Soon.  Soon.  Here's the teaser cover.
She reminds me of Kay Lenz from the 70s.  Who remembers
Kay Lenz?  I think she was most famous for being married to
David Cassidy for a few years.  I was totally
jealous because I thought David Cassidy was hot
stuff.  Shaun was pretty hot, too, but I don't
remember who he married.  Oh those preteen
In other cat news, the new cat is all like "Pet me, pet me, pet me."  The old cat is like, "Why are you petting him, bee-yotch?  Now I have to eff him up."  Then the moron jumps on the cat with no name.  The cat with no name (who does have a name but it doesn't sound as cool as the cat with no name) decides he's had enough of the moron cat and swats him upside the head.  The moron cat decides his manhood has been insulted and jumps on the other cat again.  Hissing and yowling commence until they've had enough.  Usually the breakaway collar of the cat with no name is the only casualty.  Feline melodrama.

The cat with no name likes his food, I'll tell you that.  We've never owned a "fat" cat before.  The vet told us we need to put him on a kitty diet.  He weighs 15 pounds and he's supposed to be around 12.  (I haven't told the cat yet.)  When I get up at 3 am to pee because my beloved daughter broke my bladder when I was pregnant, the cat with no name assumes I'm getting up to feed him, because what else would humans be doing at 3 am?
It's a Westside Story thing.
He mmrrrrs at me, follows me into the bathroom, and I just adore (not) being watched while I take care of business, then he tries to trip me while he leads me out the bedroom door and down the stairs.  (If he can lead me downstairs I will go into the magical place where there is FOOD, and it will be dispensed unto the cat with no name who turns into Hoover Cat.)  Instead I go straight and climb back into bed.  Then the moron cat gets up to straighten out the cat with no name and more melodrama ensues.  This is concluded by me finding ear plugs to put in so I can go back to sleep for an hour or two.
I figure this is what is happening when I can't see.  I can hear it, though
even with ear plugs.
Let's see.  It's hot and humid in Alabama.  That sounds like the name of a bad country song.  I'm going to melt if I have to put up with this much longer.  I don't even think the cats like it that much.  They come in from the enclosed porch with their little ears back.  The moron cat is clearly pissed at the cat with no name for the high humidity and blames him accordingly.  ("You did this, asshamster.  I'll eff you up again.")  But the cat with no name weighs more than the moron cat.  (That weight is good for something.)  So it ends up being an acrimonious draw.
I know it doesn't really fit with hot and humid, but I liked how the cat
was ninjaing the dog.
Finally I have started writing Bubba 6 or otherwise known as Bubba and the Ten Little Loonies unless I come up with a better name.  But then I figure who else could I insult?  Say this out loud, "I yam sew wee todd did.  I yam sofa king wee todd did."  Say it faster.  There, I've probably insulted everyone else that I previously missed.  (I did that to my father-in-law once but it wasn't funny because he never got the joke.)

I read a recent review of Bubba and the Zigzaggery Zombies in which the reviewer complained that I had too much political commentary in it.  I might have to go back and re-read it again because as I recall I pretty much dun both dems and repubs equally.  I might have dinged the tea party, too.

Okay, I'm out of cute memes, so I'll leave you.

Coming Soon - Bubba and the Curse of the Boogity-Boo. Available December 21st, 2018 It’s two weeks until Bubba’s wife, Willodean...