tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31561402782216772092024-02-24T03:46:05.098-05:00Confessions of a Fat WomanCarwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.comBlogger332125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-38959383879555713782020-12-15T01:00:00.001-05:002020-12-15T01:00:03.572-05:00<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4cpGiJ062mTq1bRp9tROJr7z7tJftsembntHsOV4Jsg8DvJp1uqVsFylr8eJjaiTuk1VNfvUnlIq4wptrOdujQjMj4yLzRoHxYvMg8SQXmLBmDJZPP6LTBSn-k7wBQVLM3GXY2mkyg8M2/s2048/bubballlcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4cpGiJ062mTq1bRp9tROJr7z7tJftsembntHsOV4Jsg8DvJp1uqVsFylr8eJjaiTuk1VNfvUnlIq4wptrOdujQjMj4yLzRoHxYvMg8SQXmLBmDJZPP6LTBSn-k7wBQVLM3GXY2mkyg8M2/s320/bubballlcover.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Now available:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Bubba and the Late Lamented Lassie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">What could possibly go wrong?<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Bubba Snoddy is a good ol’ boy with a wonderful family. His beauteous wife, a sheriff’s deputy,
Willodean, is wondrous, his baby has starting sleeping through the night, and
his hound, Precious, has taken to the changes with great aplomb. All is well.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Then the sound of bagpipes fills the air. His mother, Miz Demetrice, has organized a
Scottish appreciation festival, and everyone in Pegram County is celebrating
their Scottishness, whether they have it or not. Bubba is trying his best to take care of the
baby while going about his business when he stumbles across…a dead body.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Worse than that, it appears as though Sheriff John Headrick
himself is the murderous culprit, and the Pegramville Chief of Police, Big Joe,
doesn’t seem interested in whether Sheriff John is innocent or not.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Willodean is barred from investigating the crime, but Bubba
isn’t. He might be toting around an
infant with a Bassett hound trailing behind them, but he’s going to get to the
bottom of the late lamented lassie come hell or high water.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Late-Lamented-Lassie-Bevill-ebook/dp/B08Q49DQF1/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=bubba+and+the+late&qid=1607956532&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Available on Amazon Kindle here.</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bubba-and-the-late-lamented-lassie-cl-bevill/1138442475?ean=2940164754044" target="_blank">Available on B&N Nook here.</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1058184" target="_blank">Available on Smashwords here.</a></p></div><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p></p>Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-45533953094152908822020-06-05T08:00:00.000-04:002020-06-05T08:00:04.617-04:00
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Hlk38259982"><b><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;">Now Available:</span></b></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;">Now Available!</span></b></span></div>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"></span></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5TlR07Uwj9brhtlRQsvNgQPg0YYgnvhc_LkOSYuxkQvQKk0_ND4ayiPUFB7NF4S5pFJfccvQC-fCfp0t9zIWdhUnu0meETA9xHIM6LDp3pGbR6oEcqlirvddnqUfQK3-DGsWMfnIOHXB/s1600/blackteethcover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b>Blackteeth</b></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5TlR07Uwj9brhtlRQsvNgQPg0YYgnvhc_LkOSYuxkQvQKk0_ND4ayiPUFB7NF4S5pFJfccvQC-fCfp0t9zIWdhUnu0meETA9xHIM6LDp3pGbR6oEcqlirvddnqUfQK3-DGsWMfnIOHXB/s1600/blackteethcover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #0066cc; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; orphans: 2; text-align: center; text-decoration: underline; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5TlR07Uwj9brhtlRQsvNgQPg0YYgnvhc_LkOSYuxkQvQKk0_ND4ayiPUFB7NF4S5pFJfccvQC-fCfp0t9zIWdhUnu0meETA9xHIM6LDp3pGbR6oEcqlirvddnqUfQK3-DGsWMfnIOHXB/s320/blackteethcover2.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a></div>
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<b>A Novel</b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b>By</b></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b>C.L. Bevill</b></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b>If you’re close
enough to see the color of its sharp, pitch colored teeth…</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;">Hesper had been too
close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with five other children,
she vanished without so much as a shred of clothing left behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ten years later she’s found, soaking wet, on
the side of a river, telling a story about monsters with black teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one believes her, and she is forced to
gather up the scraps of her life and move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the other missing children’s family
does believe she has information she’s not sharing and kidnaps her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The monsters discover where she’s located,
and they don’t forgive slights because Hesper has slighted them terribly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has to run for her life and when that
doesn’t work, she has to go on a painful and violent offensive to protect
herself and others.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b>The monsters don’t
go bump in the night, they go splash in the water…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk38259982;"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></b></span><b></b>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Blackteeth-C-L-Bevill-ebook/dp/B088KRGC9N/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=blackteeth+bevill&qid=1591297859&sr=8-1">Buy
here on Amazon Kindle.</a></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blackteeth-cl-bevill/1137019283?ean=2940164075682">Buy
here on B&N.</a></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1021751">Buy here on Smashwords.</a></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/blackteeth">Buy here on Kobo.</a></b></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-66209380419880778552019-11-01T10:29:00.000-04:002019-11-01T10:29:47.942-04:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75"
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><b><span style="font-size: large;">Dragon Moon: A Cat Clan Novella</span></b></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Now Available!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Kale was once half-human and half-something
magical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he’s a grizzly shifter and
the world is a very different place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was also trapped in a shadow realm where he found the love of his life and the
mate of his dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order to save
her, he stayed behind to an uncertain fate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Tatsu is a dragon princess, the only daughter of the
King and Queen of the Drakken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is
also Kale’s mate and once she’d escaped from the shadow realm where they’d been
imprisoned, she knew that Kale had to be dead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Instead both are free and the clock is ticking down to
the ceremony for Tatsu’s arranged marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In order to get to Tatsu in time, Kale has to use a whole lot of moxie
and quite a bit of help from a motley crew of shifters and otherworldly
beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the meantime, Tatsu is only
beginning to realize that the Kale she thought was dead is back and all new and
improved, while she’s having to deal with the politics of being part of a royal
family, as well as finding her long-lost mate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Dungeons, a catacomb of bones, and misunderstandings
all abound in this novella of paranormal romance of about 40,000 words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dragon-Moon-Cat-Clan-Novella-ebook/dp/B07Z87NY9D/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dragon+moon+bevill&qid=1571837946&sr=8-1">Buy
here on Amazon.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dragon-moon-cl-bevill/1134145325?ean=2940163365159">Buy
here on B&N.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/986615">Buy here on Smashwords.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/dragon-moon-6">Buy here on Kobo.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/dragon-moon/id1483947292?mt=11&app=itunes">Buy
here on Apple.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-3350024760295764862019-10-24T11:37:00.003-04:002019-11-01T10:30:02.866-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpP80mO1zB5Zu0C_OtK2qbiJ4p2CzH2EPOR5fy375BcU8qpC69OVvC045lrnUiEWftz03uzXBWrnwBXGENk1a7JNX1lqN_AlHbVBPbYNKjeFh6pYhyZu2koMYhP-LpyXAaHIADtd2uhVF/s1600/dragonmooncover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpP80mO1zB5Zu0C_OtK2qbiJ4p2CzH2EPOR5fy375BcU8qpC69OVvC045lrnUiEWftz03uzXBWrnwBXGENk1a7JNX1lqN_AlHbVBPbYNKjeFh6pYhyZu2koMYhP-LpyXAaHIADtd2uhVF/s320/dragonmooncover2.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.3in;">
Coming Soon!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.3in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.3in;">
<i><b>Dragon Moon: A Cat Clan Novella</b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.3in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Kale was once half-human and half-something
magical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he’s a grizzly shifter and
the world is a very different place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was also trapped in a shadow realm where he found the love of his life and the
mate of his dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order to save
her, he stayed behind to an uncertain fate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Tatsu is a dragon princess, the only daughter of the
King and Queen of the Drakken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is
also Kale’s mate and once she’d escaped from the shadow realm where they’d been
imprisoned, she knew that Kale had to be dead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Instead both are free and the clock is ticking down to
the ceremony for Tatsu’s arranged marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In order to get to Tatsu in time, Kale has to use a whole lot of moxie
and quite a bit of help from a motley crew of shifters and otherworldly
beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the meantime, Tatsu is only
beginning to realize that the Kale she thought was dead is back and all new and
improved, while she’s having to deal with the politics of being part of a royal
family, as well as finding her long-lost mate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Dungeons, a catacomb of bones, and misunderstandings
all abound in this novella of paranormal romance of about 40,000 words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dragon-Moon-Cat-Clan-Novella-ebook/dp/B07Z87NY9D/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dragon+moon+bevill&qid=1571837946&sr=8-1">Buy
here on Amazon.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dragon-moon-cl-bevill/1134145325?ean=2940163365159">Buy
here on B&N.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/986615">Buy here on Smashwords.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/dragon-moon-6">Buy here on Kobo.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/dragon-moon/id1483947292?mt=11&app=itunes">Buy
here on Apple.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-62836767042862381562018-12-17T10:49:00.003-05:002018-12-17T10:49:46.549-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDeEmaLFxvE41c8QcYBNEhJ-iRV1XI4it6VRroMo6e3SEd5ob8xn2GeX7qBSrst8CMK43J8KYJNF24DnriDL7SumBwvG7xhSSEq3LJLmnVn9gJ6Rn6iJq1C-uxhh3or36EOHoyPue3OvJ0/s1600/bubbacbbcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDeEmaLFxvE41c8QcYBNEhJ-iRV1XI4it6VRroMo6e3SEd5ob8xn2GeX7qBSrst8CMK43J8KYJNF24DnriDL7SumBwvG7xhSSEq3LJLmnVn9gJ6Rn6iJq1C-uxhh3or36EOHoyPue3OvJ0/s320/bubbacbbcover.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Coming Soon - <em>Bubba and the Curse of the Boogity-Boo.</em></strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-family: Times;">Available December 21st, 2018</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">It’s two weeks until Bubba’s wife, Willodean, is due to have
their baby, the moon may or may not be full, his mother, Miz Demetrice, is up
to her old tricks, some movie people are in town making a film about an old and
eerie legend of the Boogity-Boo, and Bubba can’t find the right kind of ice
cream for his pernickety significant other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bubba is plain ol’ worried sick about Willodean and the impending birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so much so that when the film director
asks for help with a little mystery, Willodean makes Bubba go to get his mind
off his fears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the secluded and
creepy film set on Foggy Mountain, there’s a furtive Bigfoot-like creature
meandering about and scaring the crew off, so what’s a good ol’ boy to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why, he’s there to kick some tushie all the
way to Tuscaloosa and chew bubblegum, and he’s fresh out of bubblegum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Book Nine of the Bubba Mystery series.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1130012462?ean=2940155909781" target="_blank">Available for preorder on Barnes & Noble here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Curse-Boogity-Boo-Mysteries-Book-ebook/dp/B07LC1J8HB/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545061639&sr=8-1&keywords=bubba+and+the+curse" target="_blank">Available for preorder on Amazon here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/912457" target="_blank">Available for preorder on Smashwords here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/bubba-and-the-curse-of-the-boogity-boo/id1446799720?mt=11&ign-mpt=uo%3D4" target="_blank">Available for preorder on Apple here.</a></span></div>
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-16068251869702090752017-11-09T10:00:00.000-05:002017-11-09T10:00:34.015-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMr-283C4dc3kVgw42KbZEp7zx5TGuQ55pYF2ErqWuBUu7oGigVhvARkVc_TE9g2LsTqwsqr-YFAhd9RzHdZZD_BImt8V_2f5l4NaEBJ-0hgn-eF_dKKF9Jj1cbmrD4aaUlBtcwIZMyqEC/s1600/Bubbacover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMr-283C4dc3kVgw42KbZEp7zx5TGuQ55pYF2ErqWuBUu7oGigVhvARkVc_TE9g2LsTqwsqr-YFAhd9RzHdZZD_BImt8V_2f5l4NaEBJ-0hgn-eF_dKKF9Jj1cbmrD4aaUlBtcwIZMyqEC/s320/Bubbacover2.jpg" width="227" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For all the Bubba fans:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most of the Bubba novels are now available on Audible or
Audible on Amazon for those of you who love your Bubba fix and believe me,
these novels make for some great listening!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two wonderful narrators have brought the Bubba series to life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Michael Gilboe narrates <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the Dead Woman</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba
and the 12 Deadly Days of Christmas</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Michael
is a playwright, director, musician, composer, teacher, and producer. He is
currently heading the Performing Arts Department at the University of Great
Falls where he teaches music and theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mike Alger narrates <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the
Missing Woman, Bubba and the Mysterious Murder Note, Bubba and the Zigzaggery
Zombies, Bubba and the Ten Little Loonies, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the Wacky Wedding Wickedness</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">is one of the most popular and recognizable faces on television sets in
Nevada and California; Mike is the Chief Meteorologist for KTVN-TV Channel 2
(CBS) in Reno, Nevada. The award-winning weatherman is a holder of the American
Meteorological Society’s Broadcast Seal of Approval. He is happily married with
two children.</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; mso-themecolor: text1;"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Curious Cadaver</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> will be available in Audible and Audible on
Amazon in early 2018.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Links to the
vendors follow the novels.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Dead Woman</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/Bubba-and-the-Dead-Woman-Audiobook/B01DCG6PE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1510080379&sr=1-1"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-and-the-Dead-Woman/dp/B01DCBXHR6/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1510080641&sr=8-7"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the 12 Deadly Days of Christmas</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/Bubba-and-the-12-Deadly-Days-of-Christmas-Audiobook/B01EGPLJRW/ref=a_search_c4_1_10_srTtl?qid=1510080379&sr=1-10"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-12-Deadly-Days-Christmas/dp/B01EGJS9LM/ref=pd_sim_129_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01EGJS9LM&pd_rd_r=P8F3PAT8S8AQ3TWAQQAB&pd_rd_w=bVvEX&pd_rd_wg=jblxh&psc=1&refRID=P8F3PAT8S8AQ3TWAQQAB"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Missing Woman</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/Bubba-and-the-Missing-Woman-Audiobook/B06XX15QQ3/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srTtl?qid=1510080379&sr=1-7"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Missing-Woman-Mystery-Book/dp/B06XWHZSKV/ref=pd_sim_129_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B06XWHZSKV&pd_rd_r=553VERKQ4S4YAG170NP5&pd_rd_w=Rv4s3&pd_rd_wg=aIKFR&psc=1&refRID=553VERKQ4S4YAG170NP5"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Mysterious Murder Note</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Bubba-and-the-Mysterious-Murder-Note-Audiobook/B07199NX61/ref=a_search_c4_1_8_srTtl?qid=1510080379&sr=1-8"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Mysterious-Murder-Note/dp/B07144C2VQ/ref=pd_sim_129_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07144C2VQ&pd_rd_r=W1XAYD6D5E9PWBG89VTY&pd_rd_w=utwTS&pd_rd_wg=aakWg&psc=1&refRID=W1XAYD6D5E9PWBG89VTY"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Zigzaggery Zombies</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Bubba-and-the-Zigzaggery-Zombies-Audiobook/B071GM2Y69/ref=a_search_c4_1_9_srTtl?qid=1510080498&sr=1-9"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Zigzaggery-Zombies-Mystery/dp/B071X57MR3/ref=pd_sim_129_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B071X57MR3&pd_rd_r=NZ2CNKT9RPCAPAEVNNTB&pd_rd_w=ax3gf&pd_rd_wg=3KFiP&psc=1&refRID=NZ2CNKT9RPCAPAEVNNTB"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Ten Little Loonies</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/Bubba-and-the-Ten-Little-Loonies-Audiobook/B0751T5QV2/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1510080498&sr=1-2"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Ten-Little-Loonies-Mysteries/dp/B0751W1LTJ/ref=pd_sim_129_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B0751W1LTJ&pd_rd_r=8842AM84MNEQ9PV5DY9V&pd_rd_w=vllhS&pd_rd_wg=aN8L0&psc=1&refRID=8842AM84MNEQ9PV5DY9V"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bubba
and the Wacky Wedding Wickedness</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/Bubba-and-the-Wacky-Wedding-Wickedness-Audiobook/B076XW3829/ref=a_search_c4_1_3_srTtl?qid=1510080498&sr=1-3"><span style="color: #0563c1;">Audible</span></a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Wacky-Wedding-Wickedness-Mysteries/dp/B076XKDYNQ/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr="><span style="color: #0563c1;">Amazon</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-4792434050984947652017-08-25T20:56:00.002-04:002017-08-25T20:56:06.626-04:00Bubba and the Curious Cadaver Now Available!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZa-zKASTR4kOYPoXGGYKxC0ry99wMZFyXNXWDG8vthFbKATpXnKH8U95hR8EtCaCCo9WK-88r0D9ImV7mU5THU4lQLcZObqKcNKmb7PbeWaTbeevcGnBAm8apVHHbZm2PpCliYGXWE3uE/s1600/CL+Bevill+Curious+Cadaver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZa-zKASTR4kOYPoXGGYKxC0ry99wMZFyXNXWDG8vthFbKATpXnKH8U95hR8EtCaCCo9WK-88r0D9ImV7mU5THU4lQLcZObqKcNKmb7PbeWaTbeevcGnBAm8apVHHbZm2PpCliYGXWE3uE/s320/CL+Bevill+Curious+Cadaver.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Bubba and the Curious Cadaver (Bubba Mysteries #8)</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What does a
gentlemen’s club, mysterious men in black, a dead body, a broken down car with
a lady in dire need, a heavily pregnant beauteous sheriff’s deputy, and Miz
Demetrice trying to unionize exotic dancers have in common?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why, it’s Bubba Snoddy and the day things
went south, yet again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite naturally,
or unnaturally, there’s a humdinger of a mystery again, and Bubba is right in
the middle of it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0753WMXD2/ref=clair_cor__2?_encoding=UTF8&cor=US&priceNotAvailable=1" target="_blank">Buy it here on Amazon.</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bubba-and-the-curious-cadaver-cl-bevill/1127014795?ean=2940158590610" target="_blank">Buy it here on B&N</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/744424" target="_blank">Buy it here on Smashwords.<o:p></o:p></a></span></span></div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-55804969638262984742017-02-17T08:06:00.000-05:002017-02-17T08:06:23.557-05:00Now on Sale!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL_qOuEXaB9KGmTFyAtKZ51kQpSuqbvx1fc91YpQR_e_pdH2dorz7hM5-S1uRjKLgOGfyl35X9jhuIHru3IxP4rjJFL5jOlIBMA0WiFO-HajEVe54G1jRfH8KOvyhTZQYVTHB8UfO30Amo/s1600/2016-966+eBook+Caren+Bevill+B04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL_qOuEXaB9KGmTFyAtKZ51kQpSuqbvx1fc91YpQR_e_pdH2dorz7hM5-S1uRjKLgOGfyl35X9jhuIHru3IxP4rjJFL5jOlIBMA0WiFO-HajEVe54G1jRfH8KOvyhTZQYVTHB8UfO30Amo/s320/2016-966+eBook+Caren+Bevill+B04.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">On one day everything was normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next morning billions of people had
vanished, and new magical creatures had appeared, altering not only the Earth
but everyone who woke up on that one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lulu survived the change, only to encounter far worse situations than
she’d ever known before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years after
a sea of dreams transformed everything, Lulu searches for “tech bubbles,”
places where technology is still operational, and consequently useful to the
survivors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What she discovers is that
not all weapons from the past are nonfunctioning, and that the past is never
truly dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will fight to save the
new world and everyone she’s come to love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Discovering her own powers, Lulu is on a frantic
journey to recover items that will shut down a doomsday device.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing will ever be as easy as snapping
one’s fingers as she encounters new animals, new people on a weird purple
world, and who her enemies really are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Ruins of Dreams is the fourth novel in the Dreams
series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The order is Sea of Dreams,
Mountains of Dreams, Forests of Dreams, and Ruins of Dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ruins-Dreams-C-L-Bevill-ebook/dp/B06WP2D1LZ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1487183720&sr=8-3&keywords=ruins+of+dreams"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Available
at Amazon here.</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/ruins-of-dreams-cl-bevill/1125763384?ean=2940157298432"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Available
at B&N here.</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/702927"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Available at Smashwords
here.</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-80528491649389040052017-02-03T16:43:00.000-05:002017-02-03T16:43:32.663-05:00The Fat Woman and the Teenager OR How my Teeth are GrindingHow many times has it been said that one should beware the teenager? How I admire the middle school and high school teachers for their ability to deal with this elusively recalcitrant creature of yore. I always thought that no, it could never happen to me. Then it did.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7qxNNoAa89JqPx_wpRzgDGCp9a6rtfpIRdh36XJRhpJNOP5UYJ3Exmw3GGU8km8wbedX0hNj7yCR6DOAdmI4HdOQ06QKaCSqZpDSRogSdTXiHPY2Q3P7V50RACWpB1-2va2kcIQgyYZ68/s1600/13441326730742762560.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7qxNNoAa89JqPx_wpRzgDGCp9a6rtfpIRdh36XJRhpJNOP5UYJ3Exmw3GGU8km8wbedX0hNj7yCR6DOAdmI4HdOQ06QKaCSqZpDSRogSdTXiHPY2Q3P7V50RACWpB1-2va2kcIQgyYZ68/s400/13441326730742762560.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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HIM, the man to I am married for over three decades, and I had a child late in life, so we both thought we were prepared. However, I hadn't experienced that noise IT, the child who will be an official teenager in March, makes when it's listening to me and I'm saying something it doesn't want to hear. The sound: a kind of sigh that is long-suffering, condescending, and sardonic, all at the same time. I bet you know that sigh. To be perfectly frank I probably did the same exact sigh when I was that age. Somewhere my mother is laughing in her grave. (That laugh from the characters on The Simpsons. Haha!)<br />
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I got the sigh this morning. Why? I think it was simply because I said good morning. Then it dawned on me that I probably asked for this, in the greater scheme of things. I tempted karma by saying my kid was different. My kid is not like the other kids. My kid won't be like that stereotypical teenager. Haha!<br />
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Actually I think the kid is an emerging emo. She wants to wear all black now. Except for jeans. Blue jeans, everything else black. I tried getting into it with her. ("How about that black shirt? That would look good on you." This generally results in me getting one of those sighs.)<br />
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No, I don't think she's stupid, but I wonder how stupid she thinks I am. For example, she'll start explaining something to me like she was talking to a two-year-old. ("First, Mother, you wipe your ass with toilet paper...")<br />
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And that sigh. I want to put ear muffs on before she does it because I think my blood pressure shoots up ten degrees after I hear it. All that drama. Dram-ah.<br />
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That's about it. She's not even officially thirteen, and I'm counting the time down until she's twenty. I think I'm hosed.Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-76269493657865879192017-01-27T08:43:00.004-05:002017-01-27T08:43:49.573-05:00Now Available The Bubba Mysteries Novels Collection<div style="text-align: center;">
The Bubba Mysteries Novels Collection</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxVv2b1YgMqu3_TO7IkPtjPyraBGYTPhWNJiwAFI1y86lPctScvi46iO6qK2v0B4Bt-M044Mpr_fopdfcDsNSqGwrEibxIW71ed6fzL0FuELfXcm5_QAJfIyWNHhgYcrbvpHXhxRi51VcT/s1600/bubbacollectioncover1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxVv2b1YgMqu3_TO7IkPtjPyraBGYTPhWNJiwAFI1y86lPctScvi46iO6qK2v0B4Bt-M044Mpr_fopdfcDsNSqGwrEibxIW71ed6fzL0FuELfXcm5_QAJfIyWNHhgYcrbvpHXhxRi51VcT/s400/bubbacollectioncover1.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Previously published
as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the Dead Woman, Bubba and
the 12 Deadly Days of Christmas, Bubba and the Missing Woman, Brownie and the
Dame, Bubba and the Mysterious Murder Note, The Ransom of Brownie, Bubba and
the Zigzaggery Zombies, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and
the Ten Little Loonies.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Come join Bubba in
rural Texas where the murders are fresh and the crazy sauce is brimming to the
top!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Six novels and two
novellas at a fantastic price!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Over 550,000 words of pure-D Texan hilarity!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Mysteries-Novels-Brownie-Novellas-ebook/dp/B01MR5IR3N/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485522053&sr=8-1&keywords=c.l.+bevill" target="_blank">Available at Amazon here</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-bubba-mysteries-novels-cl-bevill/1125465977?ean=2940153954622&quickview=true" target="_blank">Available at B&N here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/695497" target="_blank">Available at Smashwords here</a>.</span></div>
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-2462816131909190042016-10-08T19:30:00.000-04:002016-10-15T12:28:33.520-04:00Now Available: Forests of Dreams<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Forests of Dreams (Dreams #3)</span></em></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">On one day everything was normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next morning billions of people had
vanished, and new magical creatures had appeared, altering not only the Earth
but everyone who woke up on that one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lulu survived the change, only to encounter far worse situations than
she’d ever known before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years after
a sea of dreams transformed everything, Lulu searches for “tech bubbles,”
places where technology is still operational, and consequently useful to the
survivors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What she discovers is that
not all weapons from the past are nonfunctioning, and that the past is never
truly dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will fight to save the
new world and everyone she’s come to love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Book 3 of the Dreams novels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Book 1 is Sea of Dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Book 2 is Mountains of Dreams.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Forests-Dreams-C-L-Bevill-ebook/dp/B01M4FDSLY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475969364&sr=8-1&keywords=c.l.+bevill+forests+of+dreams" target="_blank">Available on Amazon Kindle here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/670931" target="_blank">Available on Smashwords here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/forest-of-dreams-cl-bevill/1124805667?ean=2940153772066" target="_blank">Available on B&N here.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Available on iTunes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><a href="https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/forest-of-dreams" target="_blank">Available on Kobo here.</a></span></div>
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-7756072513565783592016-09-26T12:55:00.000-04:002016-09-26T12:55:00.526-04:00Dichotomy of an ElectionI remember the first time I voted in a Presidential election. I voted for Reagan. I don't remember why I voted for Reagan, probably because he once worked with a chimpanzee. Then I think I voted for Bush. Then Bush again. Or maybe it was Ross Perot. (Who, for all of you neophytes, was Trump before Trump was Trump.)<br />
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Then I don't remember exactly because the whole 90s and early 2000s were a blur.<br />
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Every time there's a Presidential election year, things have a massive tendency to go sideways. Mudslinging happens. Mudslinging on crack happens. Things are said that most people would never dream about saying.<br />
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And there's this year. This year is a state of utter confusion confounded by idiocy and the inability for people to stop for a moment and take a good look around them.<br />
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I mean, what the hell happened? <br />
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I suppose I could say something about the obvious villain: the Electoral College, but would that do me any good? I think not.<br />
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So without further ado, unless ado is running for President 2016, which if we want to go with puns, it's true, two doos are running. There were other doos to be sure, but they dropped out.<br />
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-68038539627692374432016-08-31T07:46:00.003-04:002016-08-31T07:46:12.077-04:00MehNothing much happened in this blog.Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-29060626208231364152016-07-18T14:23:00.000-04:002016-07-18T14:23:06.516-04:00The Fat Woman Continues the D OR How I Felt Like a Criminal in the Misses Section at Walmart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjbVvePmLICME9DVYv_HkDC7jIh6eSORbXWff2fjhLDKRwKyUCY0xPkJITdl4HRMfYyVKOMihx-FQgf9iYOz1ygiKUlbRl__HhkVD0HgPM3GGDVbqPD40bWvlFJ-kHWBS0uXPGd7Z7NcC/s1600/dietmeme2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjbVvePmLICME9DVYv_HkDC7jIh6eSORbXWff2fjhLDKRwKyUCY0xPkJITdl4HRMfYyVKOMihx-FQgf9iYOz1ygiKUlbRl__HhkVD0HgPM3GGDVbqPD40bWvlFJ-kHWBS0uXPGd7Z7NcC/s1600/dietmeme2.gif" /></a></div>
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Warning:</span> Fat Woman will talk about...dieting...<em>AGAIN! </em> Ranting may be involved. Plus diet memes. Lots of diet memes. If diet memes offend you, this is your big opportunity to click on the x in the upper right hand corner. Don't say I didn't warn ya!<br />
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So I'm on month four of the lifestyle change. (MONTH FOUR! Four months. Sixteen weeks. 112 days. 2,688 hours. 161,280 minutes. Yes. I've been thinking about this a lot.) I've plateaued like four times and each time is worse than the last. Currently I've lost a total of 37 pounds. I eat 1000 to 1100 calories a day and I exercise six times a week. I hate that I've stopped losing weight. If I weren't going to go to the doctor next month I would be screaming "WHY! Why am I not losing weight?" I've looked up all kinds of answers. I'm not cheating on food portions. I might not be sleeping enough. I might not be getting enough vitamin D. I might have some issues with hormones.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCno28Oxkja_TvUFLzf0hyphenhyphendFjzgQjcfHvQYTj8WAyyfihD8RhpP4Ar2316Q6UK-oxtlZk0UOQPLi_tWDNbx-VvgLMGDgRGYWb5dX83JZYtAcrL-QbUVZWyjxds5Y8PjnkfIQqhky8F4P5v/s1600/danger-white-red-hormonal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCno28Oxkja_TvUFLzf0hyphenhyphendFjzgQjcfHvQYTj8WAyyfihD8RhpP4Ar2316Q6UK-oxtlZk0UOQPLi_tWDNbx-VvgLMGDgRGYWb5dX83JZYtAcrL-QbUVZWyjxds5Y8PjnkfIQqhky8F4P5v/s400/danger-white-red-hormonal.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
All things I need to take up with the M.D. Plus he hasn't seen me for 37 pounds and I expect some kind of doctorly happiness over my weight loss.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QOTltbo7yi-sh0WJwz_Nnam9tsj59dXMW3EvwBosvUDn-Eq-AZ2x40w-E1ubAlA6bIz_wZSxApULMKx1OCdCCvfsEyc-dN02k0rEUkImr4_V3RrxqIescN315JAMhawz3ErSYGusefST/s1600/doctor-meme-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QOTltbo7yi-sh0WJwz_Nnam9tsj59dXMW3EvwBosvUDn-Eq-AZ2x40w-E1ubAlA6bIz_wZSxApULMKx1OCdCCvfsEyc-dN02k0rEUkImr4_V3RrxqIescN315JAMhawz3ErSYGusefST/s400/doctor-meme-1.jpg" width="337" /></a></div>
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I want the guy to be enthusiastic, dammit. I want him to do a cheerleading routine on my weight loss! I want him to run out into the hallway and scream out that I'm the best patient, ever! Am I going to be disappointed? Probably.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTMG1Gv1_GXAyk3EKWOPDt_wMNt8hzFC-MByYHSo6SBtWGoFDR_4fJo_4-Vo1C-RWlY9qULF6ryjhdFJ00f0u1o1kG4D9lEbtaMl5kBl3G26v4hWkA25i_mPQHhtUaOhX5WWSAeEM2YtLg/s1600/funny-exercise-quotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTMG1Gv1_GXAyk3EKWOPDt_wMNt8hzFC-MByYHSo6SBtWGoFDR_4fJo_4-Vo1C-RWlY9qULF6ryjhdFJ00f0u1o1kG4D9lEbtaMl5kBl3G26v4hWkA25i_mPQHhtUaOhX5WWSAeEM2YtLg/s400/funny-exercise-quotes.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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So this last week I went to get a new pair of pants. Why? All my other pairs of jeans are sliding down my ass which isn't a style choice I like to go with.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ51MpG10DsbFOs2FUBUqg_t4PT8wgxN5408ScMWv-SnTHFWgeiYaH60OgnjxC34vLIctv0WgiO7QzuJLbFxD7KtLF8QrkedY2AzFu2zBJvXHXbw8mUbT1tk3f5QLjqtbcv8BtezOWIABV/s1600/2895121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ51MpG10DsbFOs2FUBUqg_t4PT8wgxN5408ScMWv-SnTHFWgeiYaH60OgnjxC34vLIctv0WgiO7QzuJLbFxD7KtLF8QrkedY2AzFu2zBJvXHXbw8mUbT1tk3f5QLjqtbcv8BtezOWIABV/s400/2895121.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Although I did some sewing to save myself a little money and also to use the old jeans as working-in-the-garden jeans, even those are too baggy, so they went up on the shelf in the closet because I can't quite bring myself to throw them away...yet.<br />
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Therefore I'm in Walmart. Why am I in Walmart? Because Walmart is where I usually buy my fat jeans. You can see my mindset hasn't yet moved into the proper zone. I literally went to Walmart to buy my fat jeans because it hadn't sunk in that I didn't need to buy fat jeans again. (Duh moment approaching.) Without hesitation I went to the fat women's section. (They call it the women's section because calling it the fat section might not be PC.) I'm standing there like a doofus because I can't find a size 14.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdjF7oL20ft_u7nYxMdMGl9mwDrSHXcXq9N6EndPsxFXe7t3PVMt-tR6Os6Tw9lEGtFlfS2EcU8cVW5lwadiRc4gKY70ZvvPU80mM4WZZX7MZh86LN4vUL8R7mvppcXjAqyLz1XsYPTvV0/s1600/a5ea3913548e08f795af9c8fd5d3f32d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdjF7oL20ft_u7nYxMdMGl9mwDrSHXcXq9N6EndPsxFXe7t3PVMt-tR6Os6Tw9lEGtFlfS2EcU8cVW5lwadiRc4gKY70ZvvPU80mM4WZZX7MZh86LN4vUL8R7mvppcXjAqyLz1XsYPTvV0/s400/a5ea3913548e08f795af9c8fd5d3f32d.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Yes, I am truly confused. I look. I look again. I look a third time, and then I had to scratch my head. I think if I was MacGyver, I would have found it. In fact, I would have used a Swiss Army knife to make a new pair for myself out of old ones.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjt6Cgoc8TOBITi2ZuMf2-GdbfBRsYSM5DQVbCqRuzHQbsPVJe0P_meK9TbtnqOWJVfbK4SUqWfbklDN2pb9xOKQdjlCgbqgW_KOiK7RDThZEeMkurQuCu8AG5-V3zwuUpPKDSlDDqfRKi/s1600/3525c4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjt6Cgoc8TOBITi2ZuMf2-GdbfBRsYSM5DQVbCqRuzHQbsPVJe0P_meK9TbtnqOWJVfbK4SUqWfbklDN2pb9xOKQdjlCgbqgW_KOiK7RDThZEeMkurQuCu8AG5-V3zwuUpPKDSlDDqfRKi/s400/3525c4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Then it dawns on me.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPMT3t2G53a8RAZtpbI0cMK82iDnzs6hIn10S0fEyHQ2MXNP39AKZIuLLgsmDuMXH4KP6P69nZahS3FFVTbZE2nyle2a7pxANYWdOROyK3LXiEzNXbHo-yojrtuyDuMR5v0uQE0ryWWrbS/s1600/what-did-one-o6nmou.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPMT3t2G53a8RAZtpbI0cMK82iDnzs6hIn10S0fEyHQ2MXNP39AKZIuLLgsmDuMXH4KP6P69nZahS3FFVTbZE2nyle2a7pxANYWdOROyK3LXiEzNXbHo-yojrtuyDuMR5v0uQE0ryWWrbS/s400/what-did-one-o6nmou.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I'm in the wrong section. I was IN THE WRONG FRICKIN' SECTION. So I surreptitiously slide on over to the misses section. I expect someone will yell at me like Donald Sutherland in <em>Invasion of the Body Snatchers.</em><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigjFcP0Sk-tvjPTLupf9bFAqGTN-l13jnknKWukBynUs3w2eeT8h8QRqGNeag8T3piWhRb_-pwJQsQK04w6YsRwcqh_NN-4xomNA4pdzKsROYW4wSVF5b5dZO4WG2pidoBhoLCkjKJSSBK/s1600/Donald+Sutherland01.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigjFcP0Sk-tvjPTLupf9bFAqGTN-l13jnknKWukBynUs3w2eeT8h8QRqGNeag8T3piWhRb_-pwJQsQK04w6YsRwcqh_NN-4xomNA4pdzKsROYW4wSVF5b5dZO4WG2pidoBhoLCkjKJSSBK/s400/Donald+Sutherland01.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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I mean, I'm looking around expecting someone to look at me and ask, "What are you doing here?" But they don't and I'm all like, "Hey, this must be a meaningful moment."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUaLnnv0hTwfNDXd2GbjgIKqgJfjyW-0mrXwb0Nq0DtB_QBjAvIsvhFUGZrEDvfF1ATku38ShPcGI-fcUgH4Ju7uu0HGxT9dxImaIjzwX6XZKXFDs6eq02o8ilVY_DsnAeY24SS4B8jyC/s1600/memestache_com_270370_1357419603.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUaLnnv0hTwfNDXd2GbjgIKqgJfjyW-0mrXwb0Nq0DtB_QBjAvIsvhFUGZrEDvfF1ATku38ShPcGI-fcUgH4Ju7uu0HGxT9dxImaIjzwX6XZKXFDs6eq02o8ilVY_DsnAeY24SS4B8jyC/s400/memestache_com_270370_1357419603.jpg" width="372" /></a></div>
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I went to the US Space & Rocket Center to see my daughter graduate from Space Camp the very next day, and my husband who I was meeting there, did not recognize me when he was looking for me. So it's another meaningful moment.</div>
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I may be plateaued, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing.</div>
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Fat Woman out.</div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-92218808275816777742016-04-21T18:24:00.003-04:002016-04-27T07:24:52.492-04:00More Thoughts About the "D" Word OR How Fat Woman Deals With the "D" Word in a Snarky FashionSo the "D" word news is old. I've been put on a good food timeout. I've lost 20 pounds and no one has said anything which is a little depressing, but I have to be realistic. Regardless, I have to look at nutrition labels everywhere I go. If I'm really bored I look at how many calories are in the fast food items I can't even touch. (1/3 Lb. Mushroom and Swiss Thickburger from Hardees's, which has 650 calories in it. Their 1/3 Lb. Frisco Thickburger has 930 calories. I couldn't even eat a 1/3 of that in my present plan.) I worry about sounding like Reformed Diet Fiend. "Hey, person I don't know," I say to a random stranger in a fast food place, "did you know that has 930 calories in it? Hey, where ya going?" Previously I complained about HIM, the man to whom I'm married, and how's he's lost 25 pounds and he's got all kinds of people saying stuff to him. (Showoff.)<br />
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Therefore I haz some shizz to say about what I've learned in the last five weeks.<br />
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Anyway, it turns out that if you substitute turkey for some of the meats you can get more bang for your buck. However, the bang doesn't exactly taste right. Example: Jenni-O turkey hot dogs. These aren't actually bad. They have about 70 calories per dog and they don't taste exactly wrong. If you put a crapload of mustard on them, you're golden. (No pun intended.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgngzKm9LWU9YNB0UfIAl0nwQCTbt3xLQgTE7QUwJrbXBRY2YgPRsr4dK8hZDzidOlvsq0GzVGSvmyEP64tyY7ju8AF87ZWc341vtZX-R5CdB1_zQ6uFe4MNhGEAG9mTZWM3NF0zKB6yW60/s1600/2128710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgngzKm9LWU9YNB0UfIAl0nwQCTbt3xLQgTE7QUwJrbXBRY2YgPRsr4dK8hZDzidOlvsq0GzVGSvmyEP64tyY7ju8AF87ZWc341vtZX-R5CdB1_zQ6uFe4MNhGEAG9mTZWM3NF0zKB6yW60/s400/2128710.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was hot and it was technically a dog, so yes, it was.</td></tr>
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The turkey hot dog was our first foray into the wide world of turkey biproducts.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0YpT6ClWmv64zaesLs7U6YxfGh2GvVQOso3jfncY6ZCdBRQNXl6x28NmdqK4Tn50xNnHtIljWny8py1WhTGXQslDeUZjktsyhDcpEPqQocZmaTFln4aptH3dDXfxKKE6MpuS7EdMYMbr/s1600/people-who-had-to-improvise-cookign-hot-dogs-in-coffee-maker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0YpT6ClWmv64zaesLs7U6YxfGh2GvVQOso3jfncY6ZCdBRQNXl6x28NmdqK4Tn50xNnHtIljWny8py1WhTGXQslDeUZjktsyhDcpEPqQocZmaTFln4aptH3dDXfxKKE6MpuS7EdMYMbr/s400/people-who-had-to-improvise-cookign-hot-dogs-in-coffee-maker.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know this really doesn't have anything to do with the blog, but<br />
I never would have thought to do this with a coffee pot.</td></tr>
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Having partially succeeded with the turkey hot dog, we went for the turkey burger. I believe our reasoning was something along the lines of "But the turkey hot dog wasn't bad." These turkey burgers are also Jenni-O's, and they're preformed patties that you fry up and supposedly eat like a regular burger. I ate the first one okay. I added a towering pile of sautéed mushrooms and onions, baby, and more mustard. (I'll whisper a little dietary secret about mustard. <em>The bottle says it has 0 calories</em>. 0, <span style="font-size: large;">0</span>,<span style="font-size: x-large;"> 0</span>, which is good for me. Someone's probably going so say something about sodium, but I've got a trade-off here, and I'm going with 0 calories. <span style="font-size: x-large;">0</span>!) (Also mushrooms and onions are like, retroactive calorie foods. It takes you more calories to prepare them than they contain, and no, I didn't use butter or oil to sauté them.) HIM liked the turkey burger so much we made it the next day. But then my stomach said, "Oh, hell no," and I couldn't finish it, probably because it suddenly had the consistency and smell of fried Alpo. (I never fried dog food, but I had to try some dry dog food kibble when I was about ten because if my dog was eating it then I should too. Anyone who was a kid with a dog has done this, don't deny it.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv8vKSY2oofVSMYPhkHf6waelPRblJ9dMTgmQ50etLgJDD6ypGFezKxa3Kf0pSEfid8w0VGK4onFJ1wx5L-E0XntsFJ6RjXsX6qRH-Gxedt4z_l-tldQgV0wzrATf6MO7osg7KsWx-lkfg/s1600/31856930.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv8vKSY2oofVSMYPhkHf6waelPRblJ9dMTgmQ50etLgJDD6ypGFezKxa3Kf0pSEfid8w0VGK4onFJ1wx5L-E0XntsFJ6RjXsX6qRH-Gxedt4z_l-tldQgV0wzrATf6MO7osg7KsWx-lkfg/s400/31856930.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do you think this woman looks at memes of herself all day long?</td></tr>
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And surprisingly there were more memes about turkey burgers than I would have imagined, which meant I have to post them in my blog because...because...the memes have 0 calories, too. <span style="font-size: x-large;">0</span>!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZPcznflD-uLLxNdWzi0DXtvbgBEDj6sCVfF_0k4BBDALHBN0USB0abOeqKpyH64w38VbxyAvrBiHsgPUWk8_VqvWKLPbYsaH6H3EPp8b3KMqt208aUxazGOXkHSbqLmshlmrYEA4J9fXh/s1600/86bde896ab7f5bdaffb26ffc50358fcf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZPcznflD-uLLxNdWzi0DXtvbgBEDj6sCVfF_0k4BBDALHBN0USB0abOeqKpyH64w38VbxyAvrBiHsgPUWk8_VqvWKLPbYsaH6H3EPp8b3KMqt208aUxazGOXkHSbqLmshlmrYEA4J9fXh/s400/86bde896ab7f5bdaffb26ffc50358fcf.jpg" width="317" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So this guy finally retired. They sent his<br />
character into space in the commercial. How degrading.<br />
I bet they didn't send Dos XX's with him.<br />
"In space, no one can hear you scream because there is no beer."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So turkey hot dogs = okay. Turkey burgers = only when you're starving to death, on a desert island, without any coconuts, and Tom Hanks is unavailable for backup. (Which sometimes I feel like I am starving to death, but then I think I could eat a turkey burger. Then I think, "I'm not really starving to death.")<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0astQnhzk-ZP-JZe_YSYyHS_CS1nfP6s5HsL24UjtJWm4U7KrzdXqI6QxQiNJKiicnHVVymAsIyBGk-37xHZDQhdpPpHwsNw0NL1u7r1RsNbiH6_hyphenhyphenEsejr8L8PLmH4UF_u_23rWBD0SH/s1600/Turkey-Erdogan-Meme.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0astQnhzk-ZP-JZe_YSYyHS_CS1nfP6s5HsL24UjtJWm4U7KrzdXqI6QxQiNJKiicnHVVymAsIyBGk-37xHZDQhdpPpHwsNw0NL1u7r1RsNbiH6_hyphenhyphenEsejr8L8PLmH4UF_u_23rWBD0SH/s400/Turkey-Erdogan-Meme.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And I got distracted again. This guy is from Turkey, and I don't<br />
know why it's supposed to be funny, but I liked it anyway.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Next up on the turkey byproduct list was Jenni-O's attempt at a sweet Italian turkey sausage. (Think a turkey version of a brat.) (Somewhere there's an underground guerilla group of turkeys who are planning to bomb Jenni-O factories.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLEljCCPBv3-f-DyhnZ6TTwbchnjH3Sz1obBSzDGNT7Ezqapl71AbewHz6YyeCBnrExTHZsRODdsgjlq5a-iXH_uk3lszReiGi2KPOsr6lh9O-VO6S3EcHpZZo-BFk2FVQaM9jILkn-Y7k/s1600/805523263c30198d4b598909c1cc55e9eb9e6f71af4535a71b3a858832e14969.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLEljCCPBv3-f-DyhnZ6TTwbchnjH3Sz1obBSzDGNT7Ezqapl71AbewHz6YyeCBnrExTHZsRODdsgjlq5a-iXH_uk3lszReiGi2KPOsr6lh9O-VO6S3EcHpZZo-BFk2FVQaM9jILkn-Y7k/s400/805523263c30198d4b598909c1cc55e9eb9e6f71af4535a71b3a858832e14969.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Distracted again. I would say it was the diet, but it's probably just me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then we tried Jimmy Dean turkey breakfast sausages. You can hear me squealing in the meat aisle when I read on the back that it's 100 calories per serving and one serving includes two sausages. Two. (Those people at the supermarket don't like it when I squeal. I'm not sure what they think is going to happen but it can't be pretty.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj879X6Yj97QBcieS_khIfBsYdBrE2ZXWCGSfEY2OZzQgM4N4pYOf8itgyRFD92MvqcfcnIuXnrw93oSFwHTYA9XkVobuntQMOIAupMoWU-PoGnFcGnSlAgOA46TEUzFMyDLUdwD-0pTjZd/s1600/0007790019416_500X500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj879X6Yj97QBcieS_khIfBsYdBrE2ZXWCGSfEY2OZzQgM4N4pYOf8itgyRFD92MvqcfcnIuXnrw93oSFwHTYA9XkVobuntQMOIAupMoWU-PoGnFcGnSlAgOA46TEUzFMyDLUdwD-0pTjZd/s400/0007790019416_500X500.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't find a turkey sausage meme.<br />
Would you look at that picture?<br />
Seriously, who eats kiwi and blueberries at<br />
brekky? By the way, the diet Nazi in me sez<br />
this is actually showing 1 1/2 servings of turkey<br />
sausage patties, so it's slightly misleading.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Despite the lack of memes in the breakfast turkey sausage arena, the sausages aren't bad. They only mildly taste like dog food. (HIM adds Siracha sauce liberally. I mean he drowns the poor little sausage-y bastards in it, but he also has to add the calories to his app.) (I suppose if I put cheese on it, slapped some mayo on it, added a fried egg, on top of a toasted English muffin it wouldn't be so bad, but then I couldn't eat anything else during the day, which would suck about 4 PM, whereupon I would likely strangle everyone in the house. Maybe the neighbors, too.)<br />
<br />
So I went looking for recipes and found one for meatloaf. I decided that I would attempt to make a lower calories version of meatloaf using lean ground beef and lean ground turkey. Believe me when I say that I added the normal amount of onions to the recipe and then I doubled it because I knew if I didn't it would taste more like dog food again.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGn9mDkIWoqwpN-U6xcC60aez0uUWXEQgPwhVuvf4Kpfec3rfY3Ly0nD5Eg-9DQw8gSbzW_SrKxy_SkN4lxbqD1jxdLNDYNRE2hfK7Vn3wBu5r4ht2lBD8bSOv8vfuaqK_fZt6sUiIoIc/s1600/turkey-meatloaf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGn9mDkIWoqwpN-U6xcC60aez0uUWXEQgPwhVuvf4Kpfec3rfY3Ly0nD5Eg-9DQw8gSbzW_SrKxy_SkN4lxbqD1jxdLNDYNRE2hfK7Vn3wBu5r4ht2lBD8bSOv8vfuaqK_fZt6sUiIoIc/s400/turkey-meatloaf.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I went looking for turkey meatloaf memes and I couldn't find any,<br />
but I did find this picture that someone did for their recipe, so I<br />
will now make fun of it by saying it looks like<br />
a turkey meatloaf fruitcake.<br />
That just made me gag.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My turkey meatloaf wasn't terrible, but it wasn't my regular yummy meatloaf.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpushIhSC42luNsUUR1Cv79CtG5hXaRA-wAgmYOb2p1pUZLOHnXktuhEYjQhtZVYpJkwDtZu26H-wSmDASuR_q7MMzhorS590AWzceHEOrBXosW1YKIG76DUJMsCN87KWnpgTCd2rUnAiB/s1600/TurkishTurkeymeatLoaf1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpushIhSC42luNsUUR1Cv79CtG5hXaRA-wAgmYOb2p1pUZLOHnXktuhEYjQhtZVYpJkwDtZu26H-wSmDASuR_q7MMzhorS590AWzceHEOrBXosW1YKIG76DUJMsCN87KWnpgTCd2rUnAiB/s400/TurkishTurkeymeatLoaf1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So someone got really bored with their turkey meatloaf and<br />
threw boiled eggs in it. I did not do this with mine. Maybe<br />
next time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And I continued to look for memes to amuse myself.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq1yntuKSUS7KfCfjCpV-UPV1OxQaMEYaCbmjdLHkWUR6QOwWHCYJylJY7Rwdm_nXo5YTpO2PqpzX676hPPa0R0o7m49HNId70O3LavFCbCm-6g0iExStnU6l9z7BcoTFGk0lDxs3MExP3/s1600/my-mom-made-meatloaf-for-dinner_o_638359.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq1yntuKSUS7KfCfjCpV-UPV1OxQaMEYaCbmjdLHkWUR6QOwWHCYJylJY7Rwdm_nXo5YTpO2PqpzX676hPPa0R0o7m49HNId70O3LavFCbCm-6g0iExStnU6l9z7BcoTFGk0lDxs3MExP3/s400/my-mom-made-meatloaf-for-dinner_o_638359.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I yam amused. Also I have no yams.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
More meatloafy memes.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-d_PfntbKpBBEM4kVnet8HWU_Vbdzflght83fHtQHhJOStbl89vxrhqGZqcg7UYeNgXDXvx5okU-lzfpegcRTEnrhaN_Adr7JmgpMMfOdSdcCCIBltBawzwrTuHhc1I6TBtpJSxy-H71/s1600/3plswb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-d_PfntbKpBBEM4kVnet8HWU_Vbdzflght83fHtQHhJOStbl89vxrhqGZqcg7UYeNgXDXvx5okU-lzfpegcRTEnrhaN_Adr7JmgpMMfOdSdcCCIBltBawzwrTuHhc1I6TBtpJSxy-H71/s400/3plswb.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I thought I was perverse. Someone actually<br />
took the time to make a baby meatloaf with<br />
bacon diapers. This looks uber gross. I<br />
wish they posted the after it was cooked part.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Finally the Dos XX's guy again.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6XhwKqZqOQ5ZV0CyuHdtORrdM9_FS4POzjhBm3C40dS7mABfxcFaDAZ2p8ssNZqOr7fJ3WN1SQFvblIc7fnmcbw8csreuwLIdorJhNDAeA_X9AE0h4bMWExjnh2ok8N3_kuPKNzrA2t9L/s1600/l9bun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6XhwKqZqOQ5ZV0CyuHdtORrdM9_FS4POzjhBm3C40dS7mABfxcFaDAZ2p8ssNZqOr7fJ3WN1SQFvblIc7fnmcbw8csreuwLIdorJhNDAeA_X9AE0h4bMWExjnh2ok8N3_kuPKNzrA2t9L/s400/l9bun.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This has to do with Meatloaf, but not meatloaf.<br />
Get it? Also, he probably won't have meatloaf<br />
in space, unless it's the freeze dried kind,<br />
which is probably worse than the turkey meatloaf fruitcake.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anyway, tomorrow we're trying a different type of turkey sausage. (Think kind of Hillshire Farms smoked sausage except with turkey.) I don't know. I hope it doesn't taste like Alpo.<br />
<br />
Fat Woman (who might have to rename her blog) out.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-2453927986185070062016-04-07T10:02:00.002-04:002016-04-07T10:02:45.557-04:00Bubba and the Wacky Wedding Wickedness is OUT!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpeI41SKfMsLA9hGoDtVWSGYPz8Il4dT6ZM2vuo8QWYAMxCpPcqcU2cjXK2BacGEHqvPr2DMRKx7m84sHrGS-hgzuAeHEzl7_kQVeygkF2QvF_0BCTvFRXiiMjwjHPnemh62mQZkLZNf-Y/s1600/Bubba7cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpeI41SKfMsLA9hGoDtVWSGYPz8Il4dT6ZM2vuo8QWYAMxCpPcqcU2cjXK2BacGEHqvPr2DMRKx7m84sHrGS-hgzuAeHEzl7_kQVeygkF2QvF_0BCTvFRXiiMjwjHPnemh62mQZkLZNf-Y/s400/Bubba7cover.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">Bubba and the Wacky Wedding Wickedness is out!</span></em></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s the day of Bubba and Willodean’s wedding day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sun is shining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There isn’t a cloud in the sky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pergola is decorated in high style with
baby’s breath and ribbons streaming galore, and the preacher is ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what can possibly go wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Just about everything can go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While twenty-two types of canapés are being
served along with gallons of mimosas, Bubba finds the one thing that he well
and truly did not want to find.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a
dead body in his house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the dead
body disappears while Bubba goes for help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then the body reappears with nary a witness except Bubba.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One would think all of that would be bad
enough, but throw in a super steampunk villain, a cranky baby, no available
cellphones, a mother who invited “everyone” to the wedding, and dozens of
people trying to keep a secret from Bubba, and one’s got a bona fide comical
caper of epic proportions.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The questions are very nearly endless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will there be a wedding?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will Bubba ever find the dead body
again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will he find out who the murderer
is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will this trailer ever end?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the Wacky
Wedding Wickedness</i> is the seventh book in the Bubba Mystery series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The series is as follows: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba and the Dead Woman, Bubba and the 12
Deadly Days of Christmas, Bubba and the Missing Woman, Brownie and the Dame
(3.5), Bubba and the Mysterious Murder Note, The Ransom of Brownie (4.5), Bubba
and the Zigzaggery Zombies, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bubba
and the Ten Little Loonies.</i><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Wacky-Wedding-Wickedness-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B01DTEOP36/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1460037723&sr=8-1&keywords=wacky+wedding+bubba" target="_blank">Buy it at Amazon here.</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bubba-and-the-wacky-wedding-wickedness-cl-bevill/1123625365?ean=2940152954869" target="_blank">Buy it at B&N here.</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/627311" target="_blank">Buy it at Smashwords here.</a></div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-29372975382863784162016-04-03T11:33:00.001-04:002016-04-03T11:33:17.894-04:00Fat Woman and the Diet of DoomAnyone who is on Facebook with me knows that I'm on a diet. Why because I'm posting about it all the time. (Also known as bitching about it all the time.)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpSLiqSLXuRYMOBZt22RxSqITot2P0-FmWDltiW4-yYD25Jxpr0Qe0-EN43zvAcvISs21Z50_qYLJoM3lW0YkdT0O1MvFHe4F3q2yCA3vz_TH2bhlMQe00Ekaqici6IysooBipfgn7aZqP/s1600/very-strict-diet-oh-look-cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpSLiqSLXuRYMOBZt22RxSqITot2P0-FmWDltiW4-yYD25Jxpr0Qe0-EN43zvAcvISs21Z50_qYLJoM3lW0YkdT0O1MvFHe4F3q2yCA3vz_TH2bhlMQe00Ekaqici6IysooBipfgn7aZqP/s320/very-strict-diet-oh-look-cake.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Jeez, I hate this. On my last visit to the doctor, he tells me, "Well, look at that, we have some new news. You're still a borderline diabetic, but now you've got Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3." I had to go look that shizz up because my mind kind of blurred after the words came out of the doctor's mouth. You have to picture it in slow motion. "CER-RON-IC...KID-KNEE...DEE-ZEES," he said. Since he's the doctor, I'm technically obliged to listen, no matter how much I don't want to listen.<br />
<br />
Then came some other stuff like Weight Clinic and Optifast and injections, and I think my brain kind of dropped out of orbit, kind of like Skylab. (You have to be of a certain age to remember that one, so the hell with you if you have to Google it.) (I looked for a Skylab meme and I couldn't find one and so I looked for one for the International Space Station and I did find a mildly funny one, but then I was really distracted and found one that has nothing to do with diets, space stations, or anything in the blog, which is the one I'm going to put below.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRXUdnC5WoNmnZhj2jVD7_brWUQ8qdiEvBdmYjM_JsFmnxZ4jbaKxt4qTClKxG-q2lThaAFts2DFd9bbFFU-NL_pNVg2Wa9tbJYj-kTud9FrhUVR9UabA_iTWMiGrO4G5NbGk1ulK7FcS/s1600/ff5d124fb4ac46d681b928476e482ef9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRXUdnC5WoNmnZhj2jVD7_brWUQ8qdiEvBdmYjM_JsFmnxZ4jbaKxt4qTClKxG-q2lThaAFts2DFd9bbFFU-NL_pNVg2Wa9tbJYj-kTud9FrhUVR9UabA_iTWMiGrO4G5NbGk1ulK7FcS/s400/ff5d124fb4ac46d681b928476e482ef9.jpg" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In space, no one can hear John Williams'<br />
infamous score. You know it because<br />
you're humming it right now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anyway, Skylab was the precursor to the International Space Station. Astronauts went up, hung out, did experiments, and sang songs. Then the whole kit and caboodle fell down in the seventies. I think it hit part of Australia. And you didn't have to Google it.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQJ21AZL7EI1C5FG2tl9Y4mdBoy3a96Nrr6zDWbxDE2HiZcHTTgEiW6JSJ5l4_MJ3y1FPpV_12NgEbGVOGqIpz3RrkqVGFnvn8J8Xb8yPO7-02o0HN1SvSiOpu-mizjbQnYu77v3B6p_HD/s1600/81697_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQJ21AZL7EI1C5FG2tl9Y4mdBoy3a96Nrr6zDWbxDE2HiZcHTTgEiW6JSJ5l4_MJ3y1FPpV_12NgEbGVOGqIpz3RrkqVGFnvn8J8Xb8yPO7-02o0HN1SvSiOpu-mizjbQnYu77v3B6p_HD/s400/81697_600.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An International Space Station cartoon because I can.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So I talked to my husband about the diet. Words were said like, "We must," "I must," and "You must." I talked to our daughter. Support was mandated. I then went to this weight clinic because we initially decided to do the Optifast thing. I talked to the counselor there. This is where the problems started.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCCRIpQb-W4-a8M3Tf44sG8Rtuf8fw5IF02oR6krXUJJZMcGAF81fheBBF9b3lA6J-HYJq-eUMRVtgWr2IGVSxlIeMTQgZLqmpVh_xwhHHRxXty5Hn_9ptX6YOwzAFpQszlnUJoewSw8d/s1600/tumblr_ma589nNiFc1rpd0x3o1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCCRIpQb-W4-a8M3Tf44sG8Rtuf8fw5IF02oR6krXUJJZMcGAF81fheBBF9b3lA6J-HYJq-eUMRVtgWr2IGVSxlIeMTQgZLqmpVh_xwhHHRxXty5Hn_9ptX6YOwzAFpQszlnUJoewSw8d/s400/tumblr_ma589nNiFc1rpd0x3o1_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
It's my concerted opinion that their weight control Nazi megalomaniac twat in charge of bringing in people to their $2300 program (not to mention $120 per week for the shake product) is, oh, shall we try to use a polite term, or should I just call a guilt-inducing, non-compassion having, prune-faced, know-it-all spade a spade? I think I just did.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhPlT_Owp32uvJyBSLAB1Oezt7Epgiw58JM7FpH_mVaq6OW-GExoK9yu11jakQyEw5JgR2tDUEx-PG3IKFPYmCA4hpJkK5dysCFRkRWKDbywE6zn_HRIU58vqMTsY239-TamCFeSCvWlS/s1600/8676402_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhPlT_Owp32uvJyBSLAB1Oezt7Epgiw58JM7FpH_mVaq6OW-GExoK9yu11jakQyEw5JgR2tDUEx-PG3IKFPYmCA4hpJkK5dysCFRkRWKDbywE6zn_HRIU58vqMTsY239-TamCFeSCvWlS/s400/8676402_orig.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course, my mini-rant calls for a meme.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Therefore it dawns on me that it doesn't matter who is holding my hand, because I'm going to have to do it myself no matter what.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi75vWIJYdzmWJdA-16Nq39vvE2nowDtPWqF_YwY9ATXiJVEOW-BBYkqKPwD_DmAu9EqgB16gwvD0cQHnze6yTQVCHj0zsb3G5_H4Rt2IClJBq0D_wN-ul76e64vGfErvSCLOel8kDF8NEA/s1600/docphil.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi75vWIJYdzmWJdA-16Nq39vvE2nowDtPWqF_YwY9ATXiJVEOW-BBYkqKPwD_DmAu9EqgB16gwvD0cQHnze6yTQVCHj0zsb3G5_H4Rt2IClJBq0D_wN-ul76e64vGfErvSCLOel8kDF8NEA/s400/docphil.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hate Dr. Phil, too. He's a total jerkface. I don't think he really<br />
has a degree in psychology, but I don't feel like looking it up.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And I thought about it and I thought about it. There was only one way to go and that was to count calories and exercise. It sucks to count everything that goes in your mouth, (no nasty jokes there), but I gotta do it.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, I had to apologize in advance to my husband, HIM who still remains nameless, for transmogrifying into Diet Nazi Bitch. I suggested to HIM that the reason that he wasn't losing weight was because he was eating too many calories. I use the S Fit app on my Samsung which is pretty damn good for doing that, if a little time consuming. (Insert fat joke here.) So he's counting all his calories too. We've both lost about ten pounds, which is good, but here's the shizzy part. He eats about 2000 calories a day and I eat about 1000 calories a day. This SUCKS!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4p5V-Pav1ZH5OjmpRh5ufKJxW0_fMGgjNDKY_uhloRcebxviRm2N-sFp7iJdR_OnXKKf0Jt5KuGeAev-nMdSV-SgSOnuO1ZRetE3uEKS4EZVJcqVp0D8Oid0vlu8xDVf7BP09XS80Mr7K/s1600/first-meme_o_298394.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4p5V-Pav1ZH5OjmpRh5ufKJxW0_fMGgjNDKY_uhloRcebxviRm2N-sFp7iJdR_OnXKKf0Jt5KuGeAev-nMdSV-SgSOnuO1ZRetE3uEKS4EZVJcqVp0D8Oid0vlu8xDVf7BP09XS80Mr7K/s400/first-meme_o_298394.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love this artist.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
How is that fair? He literally eats twice as much as I do (but he did give up beer and wine) and he gets the same bennies. This blows. Now I've plateaued for a few days which also blows because it's depressing to get on the scale after days of STARVING YOURSELF. for pete's sake, and there is no decrease in weight. My mantra is usually muttered in a manic fashion while glaring at the numbers on the scale, "Stick to it, stick to it, stick to it."<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimCP63tZqQH_Y79S0VopeIH4NdR1HwyArbDWgH8t5AmyzgCTKYvPqPfYkcZmjyDSoLsqmWY7hw9p0VxQTTZFBaMSN1-9bSBDrbemEkQyNiSBmTMZgNTi3zHwBapFPJCrwjU1knfNtt4Hct/s1600/crap_600x450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimCP63tZqQH_Y79S0VopeIH4NdR1HwyArbDWgH8t5AmyzgCTKYvPqPfYkcZmjyDSoLsqmWY7hw9p0VxQTTZFBaMSN1-9bSBDrbemEkQyNiSBmTMZgNTi3zHwBapFPJCrwjU1knfNtt4Hct/s400/crap_600x450.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, I've gotten pretty creative. We had turkey hot dogs today.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I'm going on a trip to visit my sister and I'm probably going to have to apologize in advance for anything that comes out of my mouth there, but this is not just a diet, it's permanent. I have to eat like this for the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
Shopping at Target: Runs into the sample woman. The sample woman says, "Here, have one." She offers something with sausage, cheese, and other stuff on it. I say, "I can't eat that. I wouldn't know how to count all the $#$%^!! calories on it. What's wrong with you? Can't you see that I'm a fat woman on a diet? Can't you offer it to skinny women who obviously need the calories. Jesus Tapdancing Christ, what is the problem with you people?" HIM: "Honey, just let it go and we'll go browse through the vegetables again."<br />
<br />
Dieting is definitely affecting me. I was at Home Depot the other day and was minding my own business when I stopped to let a man with a cart full of siding go in front of me. He saw my t-shirt which said: "Home is where the wifi is at", and said, "That's the stupidest t-shirt I've ever seen." Then I said, without pausing, which isn't usually the way I am, but it was an hour before dinner, "No one $&*@#^!! cares what you think." Well, he was rude first, and I suppose I should have been carrying my "Danger: Dieting Fat Woman" sign, but I wasn't. Next time, he might know not to insult a fat woman.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, the diet endures.<br />
<br />
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Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-31117022407075715202016-02-17T11:15:00.001-05:002016-02-17T11:15:59.565-05:00On SuicideYes. I know. Normally I joke or rant or sometimes use hyperbole with excessive exuberance. Today, not so much. Today, I read two articles today about depression and suicide which prompted me to be serious for a change.<br />
<br />
The first article was from the perspective of Christine Chubbuck's brother, Greg. Christine was a media personality who during a 1974 morning show on television, shot herself. A link to the article is <a href="http://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/brother-of-tv-journalist-who-shot-herself-on-air-she-never-felt-like-she-was-good-enough/ar-BBpoefA?li=BBnbfcL&ocid=iehp" target="_blank">here.</a> A lady who suffered from bipolar disease before it was widely diagnosed, she was unhappy with her life. There were various problems mentioned in the article from the mental illness to romantic issues to the possible inability to have children. I'm not certain why she chose to end her life so publically, but she did, and now there a few movies cropping up about her. Her brother describes her as "An interesting, gifted, flawed person." What a sad way to remember a loved one.<br />
<br />
I feel for the family. Their loss touches me in a way most people aren't aware. My mother killed herself in 1979. She didn't do it on live television. She didn't do it in front of a crowd. Specifically, she left our family house, went to her mother's house, borrowed my grandmother's .22 pistol, and put the barrel in her mouth. She left a two-word note underneath her glasses on the table in front of her. "Forgive me," it said, and I've often wondered what happened to that note. I'm not certain if I wished I'd kept it or not.<br />
<br />
There was a tiny article in the local paper a few days later about our mother's suicide that offended my sister and me terribly. I remember that we called up the paper's offices and said something anonymous and nasty to them. (Upon reflection that was silly, but we felt better.) I didn't get to say that she was an interesting, gifted, flawed person. Much, much later, I remember her being a kind person, but a person who kept her nose in a book, and ignored what was happening all around her. (Which is ironic considering my present profession.)<br />
<br />
At the time of my mother's suicide, I was fifteen years old, a sophomore in high school, gleefully trotting myself down a dark path of rebelliousness. I can't say how much my mother's death was a wakeup call, and forever changed I became thereafter.<br />
<br />
The other article I read was written by a woman who discusses her experiences with mental disease and the effects of its impact on her life. Stephanie Land speaks about what it was like to commit herself in a psychiatric hospital and the aftermath of financial responsibility. See the article <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/2/11/10952078/mental-health-bankruptcy" target="_blank">here.</a> I also took a look at some of her blog articles, which are just as compelling. See her website/blog <a href="http://stepville.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
Recently my daughter asked what happened to my parents, which proves that the past is never really past. My father died in 1972 when I was eight. His death was primarily due to a heart attack caused by arteriosclerosis. (Those fried catfish done him in. Sorry, Dad.) Answering what had happened to my father came naturally if ruefully, and doesn't bother me. When it comes to answering about my mother, I had to be a little more discrete. I wouldn't have thought that I'm ashamed of my mother's death by suicide, although at one point in my life I was very much aware that I was wretchedly mortified to admit it. So in the present, it was more like I didn't want to sully my daughter's head, which leads down that same mental path that suicide/mental disease is something that is inherently dirty. I don't remember my exact words to my daughter, but it went something like, "My mother was very unhappy. Because she was so unhappy she thought that she should die. I've often wished that she talked to me or someone else about it instead." And my daughter was very understanding. I dislike lying to my daughter so I try not to lie about things like death and taxes. (The whole Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy is making me itchy under the collar because she's gotten to the age where the holiday cat should be out of the bag.)<br />
<br />
In a similar manner, I told my daughter the truth about her grandmother. I didn't go into detail. I didn't specify how and why, and I could have because when my grandmother found my mother's body, she called me up. I ran the half block to her house and opened the front door to see my mother on the sofa with blood coming out of her ears, nose, and mouth. My grandmother was washing her hands in the sink, and I didn't immediately understand what had happened. I rushed to my mother's side, thinking she'd had some kind of stroke, and I checked her pulse. Much later, the EMTs were standing in front of her body laughing about something and I screamed at them to get out of the house because her death was not something amusing. This is very likely the most dreadful memory I have in my life.<br />
<br />
And therefore I came to the conclusion that even now, some 37 years later, there is still a tinge of shame in the manner of my mother's death. I don't like to say that I am. I certainly can't change what happened, but I can change the way I think about it.<br />
<br />
The impact of my mother's death continues to be felt. Not only did it color my life (I have two degrees that relate directly to the circumstances of her death) but I've suffered through three episodes of major depression in my life, including a five year period directly after her death. I don't know if my family was aware of my problems or that they chose to ignore them, but I remember getting advice like, "You should make more friends," and "You should just go out more." I had to work myself out of my depression, and I had to do it in a way that I would never recommend. My marriage was one of several keys to my recovery. HIM, the man to whom I'm married, may never know how much he truly helped me.<br />
<br />
Mental illness continues to be swept under the carpet like a redheaded stepchild that must be hidden away in a closet when visitors appear.<br />
<br />
For those of you who need help, here's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255.</strong></div>
<br />
The link to their website is <a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/" target="_blank">here.</a><br />
<br />
I wish this had been an option for my mother. Or for myself for that matter.<br />
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-85891367633753072982015-12-24T15:09:00.001-05:002015-12-24T15:09:57.471-05:00Spoilers, Spoilers, Spoilers OR How Fat Woman Went to See The Force Awakens<strong><em><span style="color: red;">Warning:</span></em></strong> There are spoilers following this. In fact, I spoil the holy living crap out of it. I'm warning you if you haven't seen the movie, and you want to see the movie, I will spoil it. Furthermore, if you've seen the movie, and you lurve the movie, I might spoil it, too. So if you're easily upset by anyone saying stuff about <em>Star Wars</em>, <em>Star Wars</em> stuff, <em>Star Wars</em> merchandizing, or George Lucas, don't read this. Really. Seriously. Don't do it.<br />
<br />
First, several memes to separate the spoiling warning from the rant.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl5iW-dqgicV3NikaCsn5BKPXmnID6d69hhzS0rC19UmBg6QboG066rgcjrr1QGB3BXqx-lVuwtJqFo-HUsQ0ATNNMltcrZLhP8H0h_keyF-rXYT5dhqxnvfd00NplFJOvs7nyq_p407sw/s1600/dark-lords-work.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl5iW-dqgicV3NikaCsn5BKPXmnID6d69hhzS0rC19UmBg6QboG066rgcjrr1QGB3BXqx-lVuwtJqFo-HUsQ0ATNNMltcrZLhP8H0h_keyF-rXYT5dhqxnvfd00NplFJOvs7nyq_p407sw/s400/dark-lords-work.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not sure why I think this is funny, but it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fQ1tH2hgh41dAcGRnpsa2W5ecG3xLlqZQK2TLVbDq_En2YHIZE7YRuECfxjLbEXK3OzdqjdxPjEdbgc0tuhC4O-hn7TcdFqimRmQKPwfOX9RPzL-SU2Vil1Iee942SUTiVICUaVY0wCV/s1600/1006153_485136288236276_66855930_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="393" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fQ1tH2hgh41dAcGRnpsa2W5ecG3xLlqZQK2TLVbDq_En2YHIZE7YRuECfxjLbEXK3OzdqjdxPjEdbgc0tuhC4O-hn7TcdFqimRmQKPwfOX9RPzL-SU2Vil1Iee942SUTiVICUaVY0wCV/s400/1006153_485136288236276_66855930_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slamming both Darth the V. and Office Space. Somewhere Gary Cole<br />
is giggling.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdMFZX_8ANopl3qg4c8EFOg8ltldJGecLf5dL69henDcf81NPKdAu0iiuXX2KsWOnW3btFJWbUnBojKMKSUztsViDqUqsS_CsrgUeMRFqSBOU_FX0p3WffCgiyoRKa7II4hDEmDx4UuYOA/s1600/star-wars-meme-interesting-vader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdMFZX_8ANopl3qg4c8EFOg8ltldJGecLf5dL69henDcf81NPKdAu0iiuXX2KsWOnW3btFJWbUnBojKMKSUztsViDqUqsS_CsrgUeMRFqSBOU_FX0p3WffCgiyoRKa7II4hDEmDx4UuYOA/s400/star-wars-meme-interesting-vader.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then I get to slam the guy from the Dos XXs<br />
commercial and Darth the V. My work is done, but not really.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Okay, three <em>Star Wars</em> related memes in between the warning and the rant like I promised.<br />
<br />
Now for the actual rant, er, review.<br />
<br />
OMFG! I can't believe I waited 31 years for this rehash of every other <em>Star Wars</em> movie ever fricking made. Don't fret because I shall go into dreadful and excruciating detail.<br />
<br />
Here's the basic premise: It's 30ish years after <em>Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi</em> and things are not hunky-dory. The First Order has replaced the evil empire and Emperor Pruneface, er, I mean Palpatine. (But don't worry even though the First Order is now in charge they didn't bother changing the storm troopers outfits because then the audience wouldn't know who was a bad guy or not.) Luke Skywalker has vanished. The Resistance is still resisting. Everyone is looking for Luke because they need him/lurve him/want to kill him/want to tickle his neck feathers. A mysterious guy played by Max Von Sydow gives a Resistance pilot a little something-something that might lead the Resistance to Luke. The pilot, whose name is Poe Dameron, hides it in...a droid (BB-8) because the village just got attacked by the First Order and a neat black masked guy who looks a lot like Darth Vader but kewler and whose name is Kylo Ren. Rey, a scavenger on the same planet, finds the droid and Finn who is a storm trooper who deserted while rescuing Poe from Kylo Ren. Rey and Finn find the Millennium Falcon on the planet and she's so super mechank-y and super pilot-y that they evade a gazillion or so tie fighters and one of the big cruisers because well there wouldn't be much of a plot if they didn't. And the beat goes on in that way.<br />
<br />
I sat in the theater counting points off my fucking fingers because I was getting so pissed off.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what was worse, the lets-hide-the-valuable-information-in-the-droid plot point or lets-have-a-brand-new-death-star-that's-ten-times-as-big-as-the-last-death-star plot point. The new death star is called a starkiller because it sucks the energy out of suns and then unleashes it on Resistance-occupied planets to blow them up because well starkiller sounds better than death star. Plus the audience gets to see the whiz bang special effects and go, "Ooooo."<br />
<br />
I have to stop for a minute to finish cursing and also to catch my breath, so have a death star meme.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCoV13R2F0xlFJwRkmeh6Zs1qM35VvvYnzaUbVGmASQr_sCKP1ESk0aheTRB64idwLDzWQEHCurqrhJ9FIzeQa6-tI1LvZkDpu_9XK2aMBno2ym-qlIa7sWK5ZH3yJV8Y-qKH1F3YUoc5/s1600/death-star-dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCoV13R2F0xlFJwRkmeh6Zs1qM35VvvYnzaUbVGmASQr_sCKP1ESk0aheTRB64idwLDzWQEHCurqrhJ9FIzeQa6-tI1LvZkDpu_9XK2aMBno2ym-qlIa7sWK5ZH3yJV8Y-qKH1F3YUoc5/s400/death-star-dress.jpg" width="295" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a dirty death star meme in case you<br />
didn't realize it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then there's the whole everyone's after this mysterious map to find Luke Skywalker. You see, Luke Skywalker disappeared because he wanted to disappear, not because he was a hidden treasure that someone wanted to find later. So who made the three piece map and gave it out to various and sundry plot devices? It certainly wasn't Luke $#%^!! Skywalker. Somehow later in the movie it becomes two pieces that the droids put together, because flipping humans couldn't do that shizz.<br />
<br />
Time to take another break with a meme:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4KERIi9icmENqLCsxcWtnRvErQy2yZseUK9pFF98OgtHnsy9BQQtubvX3sUaK9LpkBtiU-AL_RxRVo-ZGLNqcTqntRp8W1wCd3gh1fkg2UObisXROT7Dz8F4XxDckKZyraMewL54KuFDl/s1600/chewbacca-quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4KERIi9icmENqLCsxcWtnRvErQy2yZseUK9pFF98OgtHnsy9BQQtubvX3sUaK9LpkBtiU-AL_RxRVo-ZGLNqcTqntRp8W1wCd3gh1fkg2UObisXROT7Dz8F4XxDckKZyraMewL54KuFDl/s400/chewbacca-quote.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I bet the original Chewbacca is on my side. Just listen to what he says.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Should I say I loved seeing Han Solo back? Chewbacca too. Yes, I should say that because I don't want it to seem like this was the worst movie ever. (It wasn't but it could have been so much better!) But as soon as Rey, Finn, and the little M&M like droid (cute replacement for R2D2) got into space they were almost instantly tracked down by Han and Chewie, who'd been looking for their missing Millennium Falcon, which coincidently happened to be on the same planet as Rey, the droid, the missing information for finding Luke Skywalker, and probably some other shizz I missed because I was busy waving the steam out of my ears. (I haven't forgotten about Princess Leia, who is now General Leia, because I'll be getting to her later.) So Han and Chewie are now hauling freight. And everyone decides to board his freighter at the exact same time because you know (PLOT DE-bleeping-VICE!) that stuff just happens like that in space. They escape in the Falcon and Han takes it over because it is his shizz.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcygNURynSw4Ogx6fBuuHlEt5QVuexG7PDvktJ6M6rbQwDnUPxiNyks7KORivfU8IiB4jXmFbH39SPBOeqONxlqvmha60BARLSqZN_tXFfSGuVLIPbgrQ-rjsPrdBLpy0z7BvAVyNRhNne/s1600/jedicats.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcygNURynSw4Ogx6fBuuHlEt5QVuexG7PDvktJ6M6rbQwDnUPxiNyks7KORivfU8IiB4jXmFbH39SPBOeqONxlqvmha60BARLSqZN_tXFfSGuVLIPbgrQ-rjsPrdBLpy0z7BvAVyNRhNne/s400/jedicats.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I needed to add this one because I just did.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Off to a new place with an alien named Maz in charge that looks suspiciously like E.T. Maz just happens to have Luke's original light saber, which by the way was in his hand when it was cut off by Darth Vader at the end of <em>The Empire Strikes Back</em>, so what the <a href="mailto:$#@%">$#@%</a>!! is up with that? Luke, as all <em>Star Wars</em> fans remember fell down to the bottom of Cloud City, hung out on an antenna, mentally called for Leia, and got rescued. But the fricking light saber did NOT.<br />
<br />
Then Rey gets Luke's original light saber (the blue one) which somehow goes to Finn and has the whole movie audience going, "Who's the real replacement Jedi knight?" It turns out that Rey only had to be dangling off the edge of a icy cliff and be offered a deal to go to the dark side to realize that she was the real Jedi knight. In all that time on a desert planet, scavenging for stuff off wrecked imperial cruisers and living in a walker, marking days off waiting for her family to return because she's apparently pretty flipping naïve, she had no idea she had secret Jedi powers with which to kick serious First Order ass. But don't worry she was about to take down the biggest dark side bad ass since Darth the V. happened. And it happens so quickly, I was like, "What the frick just happened?" Seriously, I wanted to stop the projectionist guy and ask him to back it the $#@!! up because I must have blinked or had a brain fart or something like that. (The hubs said I wanted to Zapruder it.)<br />
<br />
Anyway the latest Darth Vader replacement is the formerly mentioned Kylo Ren, who is Han and Leia's son, (One of the two big SECRETS of the movie. Don't say I didn't warn you.) and supposedly the reason why Luke left. Luke was training new Jedi knights when Kylo Ren snapped and went to the dark side. Kylo Ren snatches Rey up because he "senses" she saw the map. At this point, Han sees Kylo Ren carrying Rey into the big bad ship with the wings that fold up just before it lands. Finn sees it too. At this point the Resistance arrives with General Organa in charge.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9o-owwXDedHGl_qqfSPx7s5Q-8ueX5g00yxatYZHC0o1YEUeSJpB53xhW-4_BjK1ptYyJWlLTmrD7oi9l0Oy0a4Rq5WFtw3uybxc90g887B94dEtZGYHbNqqsQue7nS22SD6GissTvtcr/s1600/star-wars-meme-vader-call-me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9o-owwXDedHGl_qqfSPx7s5Q-8ueX5g00yxatYZHC0o1YEUeSJpB53xhW-4_BjK1ptYyJWlLTmrD7oi9l0Oy0a4Rq5WFtw3uybxc90g887B94dEtZGYHbNqqsQue7nS22SD6GissTvtcr/s400/star-wars-meme-vader-call-me.jpg" width="280" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So the song is running through my head now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I had to have a meme break because of what I'm going to say next. Carrie Fisher acts like she's got dentures in her mouth. I swear she kind of mumbled her lines and her lips were pinched like she had permanent constipation. I'm going with one of those strokes that freeze half of your face and you have to have your eyelid sewn shut or something. It wasn't very nice. I realize she's only a few years older than I am, but OMG, there was something wrong with her. I did not enjoy seeing her like this.<br />
<br />
Of course this was followed up by the rescue on the starkiller while the starkiller was revving up on a sun to kill the planet where the Resistance was located. Finn was recruited to help turn off the starkiller's shields or something because he used to work there (as a janitor storm trooper, who knew?) (This is the scene where the second big SECRET happens, but I won't say it, even in my long, varied rant o'spoilers.) Let's just say, of course the Resistance kicked butt and Rey and Finn saved the day because they had to do it. All the X-Wing fighters also kicked starkiller butt, to include Poe from before and the guy from the original <em>Heroes</em> who looks a little chubby to be a pilot, but who am I to criticize a person over their weight? (No saving cheerleaders in this movie, buddy-boy.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBVMn5oCB0TsuWhtkuhm0MSy_MjXa2Dr3KzHjQs9Dn5j1aR9o_TTSvwpRWHClZo1b4dysbjsvOJpJHDVcHJbZkLByJhi2_t4A903ATmrgmfS1Y5J9WWboQgxGrx8icnnCKflkKYpJrx0t/s1600/Death-Star.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBVMn5oCB0TsuWhtkuhm0MSy_MjXa2Dr3KzHjQs9Dn5j1aR9o_TTSvwpRWHClZo1b4dysbjsvOJpJHDVcHJbZkLByJhi2_t4A903ATmrgmfS1Y5J9WWboQgxGrx8icnnCKflkKYpJrx0t/s400/Death-Star.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I needed to add a meme before winding down.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then General Organa hugs Rey because they insta-bonded having never met before. Also everyone's uber accepting of Finn. (That whole former life as a storm trooper business was just him acting up and he's completely trustworthy in 2.5 seconds.)<br />
<br />
Rey and Chewbacca are off to follow the starmap, and who do they find at the end? Well, let's just say that Mark Hamill didn't have to memorize any lines for this movie. Supposedly he was looking for a Jedi temple. (Did you know that they have Jedi temples all over the fricking place? I'm pretty sure there's one in the 7-Eleven down the street. I want to find a meme with Apu from <em>The Simpsons</em> saying, "Come again. May the Force be with you." but I don't think I could find one.)<br />
<br />
In conclusion, I didn't like the movie. Color me disappointed. I need another meme.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwTmsQJFslzGUXrgyeYnT7HE3kTGabsawwCAkX7rbohuoHALeFNv_o70sKFxJuBa8HdHsq1CZijaxotsblHF7SkeMDyfppA597nrxrnSXaJRGbLPkHc0dHVebQiDgEFHHuzKMprhsv9tKa/s1600/What+people+think+i+do+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwTmsQJFslzGUXrgyeYnT7HE3kTGabsawwCAkX7rbohuoHALeFNv_o70sKFxJuBa8HdHsq1CZijaxotsblHF7SkeMDyfppA597nrxrnSXaJRGbLPkHc0dHVebQiDgEFHHuzKMprhsv9tKa/s400/What+people+think+i+do+01.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-79011613828773849072015-10-15T10:03:00.000-04:002015-10-15T10:03:36.624-04:00Death Twitches: A Lake People Novel<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><em>Death Twitches: A Lake People Novel</em></span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>Now Available!</strong></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhocMTzgWAt6EwJUppSmsZ7jk-X8HTI5A7ds7mtWXvHMB6PNxKNf-gny_HEQnl6pcGMM_ZCsG6x6IdhSxyvMqdkVR_33B8aQbN-sw_gx3w4GaNaZFFiHpoI5Ppk5hpLGVOS7Pf99en2jwec/s1600/eBook+Cover+1563x2500+Final+Death+Twiches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhocMTzgWAt6EwJUppSmsZ7jk-X8HTI5A7ds7mtWXvHMB6PNxKNf-gny_HEQnl6pcGMM_ZCsG6x6IdhSxyvMqdkVR_33B8aQbN-sw_gx3w4GaNaZFFiHpoI5Ppk5hpLGVOS7Pf99en2jwec/s400/eBook+Cover+1563x2500+Final+Death+Twiches.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Meli has a few problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’s a telepath who reluctantly works for a psychopath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then her day becomes really bad when she
“hears” that her neck might be on the chopping block.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her neck is at risk, as are her family’s
necks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s further compounded when
another person speaks with her telepathically, which has never happened
before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rousseau, a young man from a
remote Louisianan town where many of the occupants have extrasensory gifts, has
tuned into Meli’s fear and hurries to help her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Provoked into running, Meli becomes allies with Rousseau and ultimately
realizes they are connected in a special way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, the man Meli works for is a bona fide monster with secrets of
his own, and he doesn’t want to lose his “pet” psychic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will do anything to get her back while
Meli and Rousseau will do anything to escape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A full-length novel of about 109,000 words. Book One of the Lake People Novels is <em>Veiled Eyes.</em> Book Two is <em>Disembodied Bones</em>. Book Three is <em>Arcanorum</em>.</span></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Death-Twitches-Lake-People-Novel-ebook/dp/B016MQLWI4/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1444848974&sr=8-3&keywords=death+twitches" target="_blank">Available at Amazon here.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/death-twitches-cl-bevill/1122791161?ean=2940151130493" target="_blank">Available at B&N here.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/585024" target="_blank">Available at Smashwords here.</a></div>
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-25353650002781683792015-09-26T14:43:00.003-04:002015-09-26T14:43:19.532-04:00On Writing<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsb2C7aO9rrEUMAQn7qa0DYEOdX6jaI2N6Ghi7-fAJpr13O7a4kt0YgTIzhfGLRVp-iUVsDhMIJDWoLo559mkXWypIsSSOONzM1VOdM4O4YeRbXbfLlhBU2UsRqsQshtPEB8QRez7mH-J/s1600/Writers_Crazy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsb2C7aO9rrEUMAQn7qa0DYEOdX6jaI2N6Ghi7-fAJpr13O7a4kt0YgTIzhfGLRVp-iUVsDhMIJDWoLo559mkXWypIsSSOONzM1VOdM4O4YeRbXbfLlhBU2UsRqsQshtPEB8QRez7mH-J/s400/Writers_Crazy.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't exactly what I picture in my head, but it's not far off.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I just finished the first draft of <em>Death Twitches</em>, which is good. I wanted to fall over with mental exhaustion, which isn't so good. I wonder how some of the writers put out five and six books a year. I have a writing buddy who writes two books AT THE SAME TIME. That would probably cause me to have a psychotic episode. (Now I'm going to have to message her and ask her how that works out for her because I can't not know.)</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2f7qAqusASd_pSdQzk-yvzFyejIMsxUH5gQbKZqMHDuO4bJ-34K7ThKOLwuGYKYhJQH0qiK1UgtrvapHWkz5nJX2ci3DZ7i3Y6zShPzrxHr6xKX0JHszcrDrTf7FxnN67WyAbT6lUrc1r/s1600/eBook+Cover+1563x2500+Final+Death+Twiches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2f7qAqusASd_pSdQzk-yvzFyejIMsxUH5gQbKZqMHDuO4bJ-34K7ThKOLwuGYKYhJQH0qiK1UgtrvapHWkz5nJX2ci3DZ7i3Y6zShPzrxHr6xKX0JHszcrDrTf7FxnN67WyAbT6lUrc1r/s400/eBook+Cover+1563x2500+Final+Death+Twiches.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, it's not available yet, but soon my<br />
little reading aficionados. Soon.<br />
I just had to put this in here because I think<br />
the cover is so cool.<br />
The cover is by <a href="http://www.derangeddoctordesign.com/">www.derangeddoctordesign.com</a> by the by.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The last three days I ate, slept, and lived in the manuscript. I think I was so absorbed that a meteor hit the earth. There might have been a Presidential assassination and I didn't notice. Did Hilary Clinton win?</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYQIjLp55gm_2_WMm9Al_dP_v7dunP6Jm1MIKRT4jBEPjfbrDErNCpDvyrncqgn1ZXuMIQrsxTtF1K7KAoYzC3luZuVne6-RVLNHbQ1kFVpCvDBB6TBZ9nQJQoDRCmhPlOvjaXSMKtT2KE/s1600/crazy-writer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYQIjLp55gm_2_WMm9Al_dP_v7dunP6Jm1MIKRT4jBEPjfbrDErNCpDvyrncqgn1ZXuMIQrsxTtF1K7KAoYzC3luZuVne6-RVLNHbQ1kFVpCvDBB6TBZ9nQJQoDRCmhPlOvjaXSMKtT2KE/s400/crazy-writer.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This kind of captures the moment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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People write me and ask when something or other is going to be done and I kind of giggle. First I first started I could pop out four books a year. Two full length novels and two novellas. Now I'm down to two novels and a novella, and it's kind of stretching to say that was all in a 12 month period. Everyone's got their favorites. I'm sorry to say that I can't afford to write some of them. If a book doesn't sell well, there's not much point in writing a sequel. (That's disappointing. I will finish some of my favorites whether they sell or not, because they ARE my favorites.)</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ViXeQTZEjZScEslCoJmv648_Q6SwX3W41qCaNc5a34e0_MLsnRjxcqWrW29SBkrHjfsBf4zuWgSgVHlYLuK12Yna1VehZeoYRjgmTZrgBVLfADEi2hxEOYGpJ4TMSX_nSOZJDEAUpJd8/s1600/CatCrazyWriter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ViXeQTZEjZScEslCoJmv648_Q6SwX3W41qCaNc5a34e0_MLsnRjxcqWrW29SBkrHjfsBf4zuWgSgVHlYLuK12Yna1VehZeoYRjgmTZrgBVLfADEi2hxEOYGpJ4TMSX_nSOZJDEAUpJd8/s400/CatCrazyWriter.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This obviously doesn't show the moment directly after when the cat gets tired<br />
of the mouse and eats him with a wet little crunch, which is exactly<br />
the same as a crazy writer. Exactly.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Anyway, next week is working my way through the draft, which involves sitting and reading and rereading all of my work. I want everything to be tied up, unless there's a sequel planned. I want people to say, "Oh, I get it." I want all the readers to be happy. (Of course, there are some who will never be happy with me. Someone really hated the fact that I wrote <em>The Life and Death of Bayou Billy</em> and will never let me forget it. Apparently I'm kind of twisted for writing that one. Oh, well.)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-TJCpFxaV752RIWZ5TPgLYVVVJR-6VRRifIrgkHDAdqrwiBDzx3W91Vqh30PW1aSX2Z3atSxyjBjhs2ouKlh7jS5amX60nGiyUTbLuaaW_ksrrueQuBwUohS0TrTq1YAuxgwj01jzY8Bt/s1600/d7dd07907c1ca762c5d5374c7f797c4a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-TJCpFxaV752RIWZ5TPgLYVVVJR-6VRRifIrgkHDAdqrwiBDzx3W91Vqh30PW1aSX2Z3atSxyjBjhs2ouKlh7jS5amX60nGiyUTbLuaaW_ksrrueQuBwUohS0TrTq1YAuxgwj01jzY8Bt/s320/d7dd07907c1ca762c5d5374c7f797c4a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Okay. It had to be said.</div>
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Remember no matter where you go, there you are.</div>
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Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-34576088232669284642015-09-16T07:37:00.002-04:002015-09-16T07:37:48.976-04:00Smallest Blog Ever!Bleh.Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-19453234778053641492015-08-10T20:41:00.001-04:002015-08-10T20:41:01.785-04:00Musing About Writing OR How I HAD to Comment on a Book I Read<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVVdxjsTUzkBQP-NvW1z_QW8z_BYW7bTAn9PVYv-oP8k_bKh10dMHcSYWxOq77Bq9q6mcmKhddpR_UY7gpAJ0ydhZRtreR3F29mjHrHHwDBZa1yfB_wnDWkrga135p-WY5o3WtEBT5Zogz/s1600/th1HB6L6QL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVVdxjsTUzkBQP-NvW1z_QW8z_BYW7bTAn9PVYv-oP8k_bKh10dMHcSYWxOq77Bq9q6mcmKhddpR_UY7gpAJ0ydhZRtreR3F29mjHrHHwDBZa1yfB_wnDWkrga135p-WY5o3WtEBT5Zogz/s320/th1HB6L6QL.jpg" width="233" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't what I was reading, but I had<br />
to have something graphic for the first part.<br />
Now I want<br />
to read this book. <em> Girls Out of Hell.</em><br />
Yeah.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yes, I read. I read a lot. I have to stop reading certain genres when I'm writing. For example, if I'm writing a mystery, I can't be reading mysteries because I tend to take on the writing style of what I'm reading. (I found myself doing a distinctly Stephen King sentence last week while I was reading <em>Mr. Mercedes</em>. Bad, bad, bad writer.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmfzVflOyIFIzA6Ofs0dZBKnCh8_KNDIN8hJo1U8BcbM5_1wQG35xV8yrdCYVCZo1xvzte2kA497E1tO32syr8F2Tq0CSs1SvLk8tQAuCfoWK4XE_KhiuQmd2PaakkNHL5yy20_N7BPqf/s1600/th9Y4QWAZD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmfzVflOyIFIzA6Ofs0dZBKnCh8_KNDIN8hJo1U8BcbM5_1wQG35xV8yrdCYVCZo1xvzte2kA497E1tO32syr8F2Tq0CSs1SvLk8tQAuCfoWK4XE_KhiuQmd2PaakkNHL5yy20_N7BPqf/s320/th9Y4QWAZD.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She doesn't really look like an office hussy<br />
to me. She looks like she's waiting to<br />
pass gas.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So I'm writing <em>Death Twitches: A Lake People Novel</em>, or the 4th Lake People novel, and I'm reading this, that, and the other. I get one novel which is Space Opera: Mommy Porn. (It was free or 99 cents, one or the other, and I felt like being amused, so I did it. I admit it.) I won't name the book or the author because I don't really want to embarrass the author, but I do want to comment on the author's entrepreneurial style. I really, really, <em>really</em> want to comment.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih_AGfc5UH30VYhrOEh8knwUTx7jgjyNzzscc5ygrFniQqsRf7Clqsk4rL_edV-Dxbmqx76lsNK9jgLr9cWUqQRXJ-18H2AQ5ATnQlwI_IfJ0UxJ22VQy5sjxpOFo43Q6KHJ12i8Otjkdh/s1600/1321057.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih_AGfc5UH30VYhrOEh8knwUTx7jgjyNzzscc5ygrFniQqsRf7Clqsk4rL_edV-Dxbmqx76lsNK9jgLr9cWUqQRXJ-18H2AQ5ATnQlwI_IfJ0UxJ22VQy5sjxpOFo43Q6KHJ12i8Otjkdh/s320/1321057.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Here's the set-up. Aliens invade Earth, as they're wont to do. Some other aliens save our Earthly asses, as they're wont to do. But, in exchange for saving our tushes, they want our women. So all the single ladies between reasonable ages have to sign up for a draft to be an alien bride. (I can see it coming.) Cue the first lady who gets drafted. (I think the author missed out on the Uncle Sam posters that could be custom tailored for this. Really, really missed out.) She gets to go hang out with the big alien stud and if she can resist his alienly charms for a certain period then she gets to go back to Earth, without being hooked up and having to stay with the alien. I think you all can get it.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJassnirGxbLJfg96sZRxWLVdebjDf1gOJH5QslVzTBLbfVI78xW42OzTdkBZ3b1D_C2VsQDVaMKOx3r_V3u7q3oOwnR4-ABfesDVso59Q6tLzou5Y5Ovpn2Sr2UGxX4Pfx52sOAqiQ21J/s1600/th8XVCKZ3X.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJassnirGxbLJfg96sZRxWLVdebjDf1gOJH5QslVzTBLbfVI78xW42OzTdkBZ3b1D_C2VsQDVaMKOx3r_V3u7q3oOwnR4-ABfesDVso59Q6tLzou5Y5Ovpn2Sr2UGxX4Pfx52sOAqiQ21J/s1600/th8XVCKZ3X.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What the hell? Did they<br />
fall in love over hammering spikes?<br />
Was that a double entendre?<br />
Maybe.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As a hack writer myself, I can appreciate a good set-up. After all, I did happen to notice that the author has about sixteen of these alien/human puppies on Amazon, and they're not short books, mind you. It's like a 160,000 words long, which is like two of my books, if I'm not being too wordy. The author practices the give-away-the-first-one cheap method, as I do myself. I'm not ashamed to say that I bought the next three before I gave up.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguQ1_diD1JN8yevCrfmOxbvVBktkCuzXHrhxl9gGAyUh3b_EQ_6ZToKFUAIpTOJ_VMzvJ5KY24a1OqEHzGmzGLhEXXn08yILDOAVp85dG-IwEKr859jxc9aKcEwE6BunBP0xwh1JbO2LGF/s1600/thVIUN0VQC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguQ1_diD1JN8yevCrfmOxbvVBktkCuzXHrhxl9gGAyUh3b_EQ_6ZToKFUAIpTOJ_VMzvJ5KY24a1OqEHzGmzGLhEXXn08yILDOAVp85dG-IwEKr859jxc9aKcEwE6BunBP0xwh1JbO2LGF/s320/thVIUN0VQC.jpg" width="194" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I went to a flag class with my<br />
daughter for her Girl Scout troop. The<br />
instructor would be very<br />
unhappy with this cover.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think the author put together a selection of what was selling the most lately and incorporated them into her world-building. If you threw out aliens, werebeasts, menage, and bdsm and said, "Fit that into a series," you might be scratching your butt. But not this author. Also she threw in that they're six foot six inches tall, have natural six packs, and they all have very large...appendages. Of course they do.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSO-Yh1lYfyx01fEkjSFNwk5aQ2UvtC1vpdmiWXr6FGEdR3NiE78drToK0ZecNiEoL15NxDT832TlMf6FX8UVH2jHsDcSSQXeMhk0r9i4KD49qyyarFVEM2WulZi6o8-v0JT_s4UmEHNd/s1600/thCGG6AA2W.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSO-Yh1lYfyx01fEkjSFNwk5aQ2UvtC1vpdmiWXr6FGEdR3NiE78drToK0ZecNiEoL15NxDT832TlMf6FX8UVH2jHsDcSSQXeMhk0r9i4KD49qyyarFVEM2WulZi6o8-v0JT_s4UmEHNd/s320/thCGG6AA2W.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think someone was messing with<br />
the covers ahead of me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Furthermore, it turns out that the alien saviors come in different types, so that the author can cover all of the bases. I shall elaborate because I would have a vein in my head explode if I didn't. There's the savage ones who happen to have an issue with a knot in their penis when they mate. They also emit a certain pheromone that makes the gals super happy, if you know what I mean. Then there's the ones who are all toothy and like to suck blood when they're having sexy times, but don't make the mistake of calling them vampires. There's also the twins. They share a mate and get this, the mate needs a special fruit that makes them very elastic down in the nether region. Guess why? Well, the twins have wee wee's that fuse together and I think you can follow the drift. Finally, (finally in my reading of four books out of the series) there's the bad alien type who is conditioned to really like Christian Grey, paddles, nipples, and all.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0I4VvwcDjjSWhGHNKC0kv_QVbyG7Kw38bn6eAwhLu8ivEMMJat2QEBSENoiRsaxRPBRgWa4ytSQlAcQiE0S9d6mLk-vAICVLV8MjO9d05-zaVulFDCaik6Us53uOhrMDjWAYPmXxrehgR/s1600/1321166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0I4VvwcDjjSWhGHNKC0kv_QVbyG7Kw38bn6eAwhLu8ivEMMJat2QEBSENoiRsaxRPBRgWa4ytSQlAcQiE0S9d6mLk-vAICVLV8MjO9d05-zaVulFDCaik6Us53uOhrMDjWAYPmXxrehgR/s320/1321166.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love meme generators. Pixar, this is parody so<br />
please don't sue me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anyway, I pretty much gave up after that because the plots all went like this: Her: "I hate you." Him or Hims as the case may be: "I lust for you." Her: "Don't touch me. Yes, touch me." Him: "I want to touch you. No, I can't touch you." Her: "Yes, touch me." Him: "I'll lick you." Her: "Yes, yes, yes, Meg Ryan RULES!" Him: "No, I can't." Her: "Yes, you can. Thomas the Train says you can!" Then finally, they do, and that's the end.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbwYNYTf7F4rckEWw4fFa-roTyzuz_-15SKT3BDqZPqD0dwYqVaEWRpREn1XW7jE9fQZUl0XCKFjrsz7WTPWRu3EeEe56tlEU1cgUkesvVNRZGW8Ph5u-qI6f1oQQo2QSu1e-Q6o_4QqSJ/s1600/thNOORXZNX.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbwYNYTf7F4rckEWw4fFa-roTyzuz_-15SKT3BDqZPqD0dwYqVaEWRpREn1XW7jE9fQZUl0XCKFjrsz7WTPWRu3EeEe56tlEU1cgUkesvVNRZGW8Ph5u-qI6f1oQQo2QSu1e-Q6o_4QqSJ/s320/thNOORXZNX.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How could I not include this?<br />
Redneck Scotsmen.<br />
Their famous last words are,<br />
"Aye, hold my kilt and watch<br />
this."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I like a good romance book and I have to admire an author for throwing in everything but the kitchen sink and going for the gusto. I'm not sure I could do this. I've thought about writing more explicit romances, but I start wincing and giggling when I get into the whole cock, pussy, cunt, cum thing. I feel compelled to mention that when the author actually called a woman's natural lubrication "cunt honey" I almost threw my Kindle into the garbage. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_l9vEFftf4iGMWnSjHCcISud3_VE4HGpGWR3OqpqFAgX5PNY91hGccZN6vnPv-OwZFW2OQk7P3j5JKbeZmCG94Bmp_ox3mFekKd7uF7atooVPodzkiNaNAoAP-_36w3KQahEjv4n8W1z/s1600/thG3XMGL87.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_l9vEFftf4iGMWnSjHCcISud3_VE4HGpGWR3OqpqFAgX5PNY91hGccZN6vnPv-OwZFW2OQk7P3j5JKbeZmCG94Bmp_ox3mFekKd7uF7atooVPodzkiNaNAoAP-_36w3KQahEjv4n8W1z/s320/thG3XMGL87.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think I used this one before,<br />
but I couldn't help myself.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anyway, I think my IQ has dropped a few points. I need to go read a dictionary.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-30433143533172817612015-07-13T15:30:00.001-04:002015-07-13T15:30:16.993-04:0010 Skeletons Found in Weird Places OR How Fat Woman Wrote an Article for a Blog and Got Rejected.So I wrote an article for a blog and they rejected it. (Kind of like in the title, except I feel forced to repeat myself.) I hate to waste a nice little list, so here it is:<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Talk about skeletons in the closet, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A closet is about the only place that a
skeleton isn’t located in this list, although the author was strongly tempted
to Google it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We often wonder how things
happen, and sometimes we wonder how something ended up in an odd location.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we even get answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When bones are discovered, it’s up to a
detective or an investigator to figure out what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is complicated by the fact that when
only bones are left it’s sometimes impossible to tell how the individual died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s further convoluted by the fact that when
the bones are discovered in a weird place, we’re left muttering, “What?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8YoX630OCojbFv_AzDgSzZqo8FZ2h40gY4PF0HEi2lKtj-9z_7ZacKwU9DPnjWn1MqQnfdmPSNm4a-9R7aTnHsB4j7jCfrsqIIIMs7Md6gZe6jDA7VQzy1bfzJQ5RaklXTJ-Wh76x0Rnv/s1600/frakta-carrier-bag-large__79087_PE202617_S4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8YoX630OCojbFv_AzDgSzZqo8FZ2h40gY4PF0HEi2lKtj-9z_7ZacKwU9DPnjWn1MqQnfdmPSNm4a-9R7aTnHsB4j7jCfrsqIIIMs7Md6gZe6jDA7VQzy1bfzJQ5RaklXTJ-Wh76x0Rnv/s320/frakta-carrier-bag-large__79087_PE202617_S4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<strong>10.
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bones in IKEA Bags<o:p></o:p></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who knew that those big blue bags from IKEA are good for all
kinds of objects?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s not a whole
lot of mystery behind the discovery, but definite weirdness was involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kicki Karlén, a woman in Sweden, discovered
bags and bags of bones under a tarp in a Scandinavian church in 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently the Kläckeburga Church was refurbishing and repairing parts of its building years earlier and planned
to re-inter the remains as soon as was <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2014/08/02/newser-skeletons-ikea-bags/13505881/" target="_blank">possible</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were estimated to be the remains of people buried at the church
five hundred years earlier and the bones had been exhumed in order to renovate
an area of the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Complications
arose when the remains were not allowed to be removed from the immediate
vicinity of the church by the church’s board.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However what happened was that they got moved into bags and forgotten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consequently, they were discovered much later
by Karlén in the iconic IKEA bags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
was no comment from IKEA about the peculiar treatment of their storage bags.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqpcDZ9QDVz7_vQAWCjmHBzt6UQ_am4lSoRyU95DF-gOwy6RzJlf4oBisSqkMLK4nJA9roUnMxZjVQH5ZILsLwqwgZk0PcUasqMj_jO59Z_9f-f7APH_seuYAp52V7ayWRX-Ku2mDDorzz/s1600/divers-alberto-nava-and-susan-bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqpcDZ9QDVz7_vQAWCjmHBzt6UQ_am4lSoRyU95DF-gOwy6RzJlf4oBisSqkMLK4nJA9roUnMxZjVQH5ZILsLwqwgZk0PcUasqMj_jO59Z_9f-f7APH_seuYAp52V7ayWRX-Ku2mDDorzz/s400/divers-alberto-nava-and-susan-bird.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo : Paul Nicklen/National Geographic</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9. Ancient Skeleton in
an Underwater Cave<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
The scientists examining her remains named her “Naia” which
is Greek for water <a href="http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/7084/20140516/ancient-skeleton-of-teenage-girl-discovered-in-underwater-cave.htm" target="_blank">nymph</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless,
there wasn’t any water there when the teenager went exploring in a cave in
Mexico about 12,000 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The poor
girl was looking for something unknown when she fell or was pushed into a
chamber called “Hoyo Negro” or black hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She wasn’t the only one because the divers who explored the cave also
found the skeletal remains of sloths, cave bears, and saber tooth tigers, as
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One hopes they weren’t all in the
cave at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The really
interesting part about Naia is that scientists were able to take a look at her
DNA and evaluate how she was related to other early <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/39990/title/Ancient-Skeleton-Sheds-Light-on-Native-American-Roots/" target="_blank">Americans</a>
</span>Certainly being trapped in a hole was a bummer for Naia, but a boon to
scientists in that they could compare her mitochondrial DNA (from her mother’s
side) to the five other skeletal remains that are older than 12,000 years that
exist today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The indication is that
early Americans did tromp over a land bridge from Asia into the Americans, but
we still need to consider that evidence is scarce at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re not sure if Naia would have been glad
to help or not.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3NVujDXNyRgKZp_PXTSx6WHtKF-L1g_L-FS3H0Hn495leIeJw1B8zRdkInl5-F6j_738snON49MJxm39FnZuKEOaAh7Yl5owK_YpkSsM343US3Wv91g2Hod29c4QXsNjhSH2PS84zCQWi/s1600/car-missing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3NVujDXNyRgKZp_PXTSx6WHtKF-L1g_L-FS3H0Hn495leIeJw1B8zRdkInl5-F6j_738snON49MJxm39FnZuKEOaAh7Yl5owK_YpkSsM343US3Wv91g2Hod29c4QXsNjhSH2PS84zCQWi/s320/car-missing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8. Skeletons in a Lake<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Going to the lake takes a whole new meaning for some
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2013 was the year for discovering
skeletons in lakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The highway patrol
of Oklahoma decided to try out some new sonar equipment that year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They discovered some cars at the bottom of
Foss Lake, Oklahoma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t
apparently unusual for cars to be found at the bottom of a lake, but when the
two vehicles were pulled out, it was unusual to find the skeletal remains
<a href="http://8%20skeletons%20in%20a%20lake/" target="_blank">inside</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Six sets of remains
were in a 1950s Chevy and a 1969 Chevrolet Camaro (which seems like a waste of
a classic muscle car to the author).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
turns out that three people went missing in 1970.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jimmy Williams, 16, Leah Johnson, 18, and
Michael Rios, 18, took off in a car, and vanished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The disappearance of the three was well
publicized and it was even theorized that the three ran away to start a new
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, it’s only a guess that
they went to the lake instead and accidentally crashed into it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other vehicle is connected to the
disappearance of three people from nearby Canute, <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/09/18/us-usa-oklahoma-skeletons-idUSBRE98H17G20130918" target="_blank">Oklahoma</a>. Their disappearance was far less publicized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 2014, DNA was used to identify one of the
skeletons from the second Chevy as Clayburn Hammock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other two were tentatively identified as
Nora Duncan and Alvie Porter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The three went
missing in 1969, just months before the three <a href="http://kfor.com/2014/08/05/medical-examiner-releases-findings-related-to-bodies-found-in-foss-lake/" target="_blank">teenagers</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It certainly is ironic that both cars ended up just yards apart at the
bottom of Foss Lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The six deaths were
ruled accidental, possibly after the cars took a curve too quickly and ended up
in the water.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCRYE98PjeAqZ1cAvjQRUn7bbK7_ansuuF1IWlXK58bbKOPtZHhzokR_Cw1aZ4ird-JGywUmbVPd_WY0Rprz85ppTl14nLksR7ysKxKtJff-Itqbotqu0Y7k8u8wEpgbTsaG-l2yMLVTK5/s1600/-2715082256-original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCRYE98PjeAqZ1cAvjQRUn7bbK7_ansuuF1IWlXK58bbKOPtZHhzokR_Cw1aZ4ird-JGywUmbVPd_WY0Rprz85ppTl14nLksR7ysKxKtJff-Itqbotqu0Y7k8u8wEpgbTsaG-l2yMLVTK5/s320/-2715082256-original.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b> </div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7. Another Lake
Finally Gives up the Ghost, er, Skeleton<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">A couple named Russell and Blanch Warren vanished in 1929
near Lake Crescent in Olympic National Park in Washington State.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They left behind two children who died before
the mystery was resolved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Divers
discovered the remains of their 1927 Chevrolet in about 170 feet of <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/car-mystery-solved-after-72-years/" target="_blank">water.</a>
The couple were never seen again after Russell Warren picked up his
wife, Blanch, from the nearby Port Angeles Hospital, and then picked up a new
washing machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was speculated that
the driver of the vehicle missed a turn and went into the lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Searches were performed but found
little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Skip forward to 2002, when a
Park Service Dive Team found the wreckage of the Chevy deep in the lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years later, a recreational diver named
John Rawlings discovered some bones farther down a slope from the Warren’s <a href="http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Third-bone-found-near-site-of-29-car-crash-in-1161296.php" target="_blank">car</a>.
The bones were identified as
Russell Warren’s remains by DNA analysis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Alas, Blanch’s remains were not located.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, the Warren’s wreck site is a popular dive site for experienced
divers and one never knows when a skeleton might tumble out of a proverbial
closet, or lake as the case may be.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidJQv9aHwJxNtdg9MrTjmOBnPYwfB6ITj2mvGo1rEGZkxyI5CbZoRcfZXGayPaHKeL8XuOt9qTmoXUqX12a2LYxA94i9YI_cvA6uXRLAjrXvsmUVeDadS-2C_BjCJY4GNGUL1c1bqO3SSU/s1600/poltergeist2-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidJQv9aHwJxNtdg9MrTjmOBnPYwfB6ITj2mvGo1rEGZkxyI5CbZoRcfZXGayPaHKeL8XuOt9qTmoXUqX12a2LYxA94i9YI_cvA6uXRLAjrXvsmUVeDadS-2C_BjCJY4GNGUL1c1bqO3SSU/s1600/poltergeist2-poster.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6. A Movie Spills the
Bones, er, Beans<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Poltergeist</i> came
out in 1982 and certainly was the kind of movie to make a person sleep with the
lights on and the television off, if not out of the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The movie made a mint and soon enough a
sequel was made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Poltergeist II</i> didn’t make the same kind of dough as the first one
but it tried its best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rumors swirled
about the first movie but it wasn’t until 2009 that one of the stars of both
movies, Jo Beth Williams, revealed that the skeletons the props department used
were <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="http://tv.ark.com/transcript/the_e!_true_hollywood_story-(curse_of_the_poltergeist)/6834/EP/Friday_October_30_2009/103068/" target="_blank">real.</a> </span>It turned out that
it was cheaper to use real skeletons instead of fake ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stars of the movie were so creeped out
that Will Sampson, one of the actors in the movie, as well, did a blessing on
the spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently the Native American
actor performed a sort of “exorcism” and there were no further <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0760225/bio" target="_blank">problems</a>.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbaRh0NQNK-soFWQXF-hYH-4ZFjbTx5bnWmLdp409d_-P-ozuP4AMhwZ_Okc1ewfn2zXZHJRkwITE0M4LJ6repTdsCR8Ai8YRfEjRjOavocSmzq4-qQC89AurcDzC1kp1rBRYU9PMhonr0/s1600/Richard-III-Portrait-web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbaRh0NQNK-soFWQXF-hYH-4ZFjbTx5bnWmLdp409d_-P-ozuP4AMhwZ_Okc1ewfn2zXZHJRkwITE0M4LJ6repTdsCR8Ai8YRfEjRjOavocSmzq4-qQC89AurcDzC1kp1rBRYU9PMhonr0/s320/Richard-III-Portrait-web.jpg" width="254" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. It’s Good to be the
King, Until They Forget Where You’re Buried<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">One would think a former king of England would be hard to
lose, but Richard III, who ruled from 1483 to 1485, went missing over the
passage of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He might not have ruled
for very long, but Shakespeare cemented the monarch’s shady reputation with the
play of the same <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/bones-king-richard-iii-found-105733444.html" target="_blank">name</a>. One of
his most major transgressions was that he stole the crown from one of his two
royal nephews and then had the two boys murdered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, there’s a lot of debate about how
bad Richard III really was or wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
the meantime, he died in battle, the last English king to do so, and was
buried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rumors abounded about whether he
was really buried at Leicester at the church of the Gray Friars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He might have been dug up and his bones
thrown in a river or some other unsavory location.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually a local university got curious and
started digging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After much research,
the University of Leicester’s archeologists decided on a parking lot as a possible
site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they found medieval windows
and then bones, they’d struck archeological gold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the skeletons had evidence of war
wounds and scoliosis of the spine, which Richard III reputedly possessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through a bunch more work with DNA analysis,
it was confirmed that it was Richard III’s <a href="http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a3089/scientists-confirm-remains-king-richard-iii-17487010/" target="_blank">bones</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the extensive analysis of the DNA has revealed possible
adultery in the descending lines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
lines through the mitochondrial descendants is consistent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(That’s the girl side.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matching up the boy side is a little trickier,
but that’s a case for scientists to solve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the meantime, one never knows what we’ll find when we dig up a
parking lot.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. Sometimes the
Skeleton Can be in a Chimney <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Not all the bones in this list were found in a lake, or even
under a parking lot, or even human, for that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 2014, a man named David Martin in
Bletchingly, Surrey, Great Britain was renovating his fireplace when he started
finding <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/11/wwii-carrier-pigeon-finally-delivers-secret-message/" target="_blank">bones.</a> </span>The bones he
discovered weren’t human, but that of a carrier pigeon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even more interesting was that he found a leg
with a tiny red capsule attached to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Inside the red capsule was an encrypted message dating from WWII.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus far the code has not been decrypted, but
the message came from a Sergeant Stott and was written 71 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s theorized that the bird got tired and
landed on Martin’s chimney, only to die before completing its mission.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t know what the message was, but odds
are that it was something important.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGUScvQFlpxDTJWH_JqzaP3H5uuB-68-tlN6LRX8iYg1U8t4BZ3rF7NVeBgYKib5a9IO79V3OHiBmQS0m19esWrSMkut99Ve8FbHaJNIa1ehZhCjS4qfIQzflmg6X9tzcW2yLFrFTfqNx/s1600/13s14-skorsten-657__mngl_20110813ab5x012%252Cnyh_1_indd_0154.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGUScvQFlpxDTJWH_JqzaP3H5uuB-68-tlN6LRX8iYg1U8t4BZ3rF7NVeBgYKib5a9IO79V3OHiBmQS0m19esWrSMkut99Ve8FbHaJNIa1ehZhCjS4qfIQzflmg6X9tzcW2yLFrFTfqNx/s320/13s14-skorsten-657__mngl_20110813ab5x012%252Cnyh_1_indd_0154.jpg" width="246" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. It Wasn’t Really
Santa, Was it?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
Another renovation in Abbeville, Louisiana revealed something
out of the ordinary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 2011,
contractors were working on the second floor of the Abbeville National Bank
when one removed a metal shield and discovered some bones lodged just above the
flue of the <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/skeleton-found-chimney-27-years-man-disappeared/story?id=14169501" target="_blank">chimney.</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Police
work and DNA revealed that the skeletal remains were that of a man named Joseph
Schexnider, who vanished in 1984.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Schexnider had been a member of the National Guard and a part time
worker in the circus when he disappeared. His bones were apparently stuck in
the fireplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No trauma of the bones
was identified, so the police there don’t really know why Schexnider ended up
in the chimney.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even Schexnider’s own
mother didn’t know why he was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When her son disappeared in the eighties she assumed he had gone off as
he had before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Luckily for the police
Schexnider happened to have a wallet, a lighter, a pair of gloves, and a watch
with him giving them a heads up on <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/28/joseph-schexnider-remains-found-chimney_n_911871.html" target="_blank">identification.</a> </span></div>
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<o:p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit9JT95RnVBRvxXCVTwp9Slg8rG4VZPsCD2c9KD7uaIUK2w5mxRL1X2Uaw_TZ8oxUSuNEg-CgG3CimGPlkSt9P2Vm2Qv79iWCJhgzCrzBO3ndNLy15ACIlhKfL-FbEQYpPfFA5SR-jjp8F/s1600/Skeleton_diag.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit9JT95RnVBRvxXCVTwp9Slg8rG4VZPsCD2c9KD7uaIUK2w5mxRL1X2Uaw_TZ8oxUSuNEg-CgG3CimGPlkSt9P2Vm2Qv79iWCJhgzCrzBO3ndNLy15ACIlhKfL-FbEQYpPfFA5SR-jjp8F/s320/Skeleton_diag.png" width="175" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Skeleton_diag.png">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Skeleton_diag.png</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Skeleton in a Barn<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Earlier this year, a LeFlore County, Oklahoma family found a
skeleton in a rotting coffin in their barn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Interestingly enough the skeleton is over a hundred years old, and may
be linked to an “odd” organization, The Independent Order of Odd </span><a href="http://www.aol.com/article/2015/02/09/100-year-old-human-skeleton-found-in-family-barn/21140620/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fellows</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The order is a fraternal one that
concentrates on charitable works and still has membership to this date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The previous owner of the property, Pete
Butler, said that there were originally two sets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The skeletons once belonged to the order and
were used in initiation ceremonies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
gained possession of them in the sixties and put them in the barn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One got loaned out for a Halloween prank and
never was returned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other remained
in the barn until rediscovered by the Priddy family who had purchased the
property.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The LeFlore County Sheriff’s
Office is hunting down the second skeleton for burial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, it’s not illegal to own a real
skeleton, although it certainly can be considered “odd.”</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHeKQOBYXJK0EFePCUDxjCbgu1WHk_6Ts_ViITJ6ByKT82iQEQqu878XmOWQUIttmj_tNIDInENvRxjl1KXv64QEVZWFid_EwK_uEWaqSy9hzR_7vnEHROwphsIwRiwQ47o2Tk1NxfyVMl/s1600/gotta-kiss-the-skeleton-cedar-hill-wiarton-ontario.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHeKQOBYXJK0EFePCUDxjCbgu1WHk_6Ts_ViITJ6ByKT82iQEQqu878XmOWQUIttmj_tNIDInENvRxjl1KXv64QEVZWFid_EwK_uEWaqSy9hzR_7vnEHROwphsIwRiwQ47o2Tk1NxfyVMl/s320/gotta-kiss-the-skeleton-cedar-hill-wiarton-ontario.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.scuba.com/diving-photos/2887/gotta-kiss-the-skeleton-cedar-hill-wiarton-ontario">http://www.scuba.com/diving-photos/2887/gotta-kiss-the-skeleton-cedar-hill-wiarton-Ontario</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Skeleton in a Scuba
Suit<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In 2007, a recreational diver was out for a deep diving
jaunt in Commencement Bay, Washington when he came across another diver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem was that the other diver was only
a skull and bones inside a scuba <a href="http://archive.firstcoastnews.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=88622" target="_blank">suit.</a> The suit with skeleton inside
was 200 feet down and complete with tank and weights for diving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The diver reported the find to the police and
an underwater robot was sent to retrieve the remains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite having records of missing divers in
the area, the local police have been thus far, unable to identify the poor
individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone missing a scuba
diver?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>And...</strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJXo6DGKMWzRBdMCevvZofRhBkQ_eam9h4AIkwrSnBM-_e1GJxUbqlaoKqR1QO-oL2kxR-WAK12IzzIll7lvfEACgyRSL-BdnOJOvn_-eLZwcD0ax3sE-W0shLtvKyd3YCKSBgexgl5UE/s1600/_82835542_skeletons_ap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJXo6DGKMWzRBdMCevvZofRhBkQ_eam9h4AIkwrSnBM-_e1GJxUbqlaoKqR1QO-oL2kxR-WAK12IzzIll7lvfEACgyRSL-BdnOJOvn_-eLZwcD0ax3sE-W0shLtvKyd3YCKSBgexgl5UE/s320/_82835542_skeletons_ap.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photograph by La Paz County Sheriff's Department</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<o:p><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Honorable mention<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">A snorkeler first reported the two skeletons in lawn chairs
in the Colorado River near Cienaga Springs, Arizona in May of <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/underwater-skeleton-tea-party-colorado-river-n354421" target="_blank">2015.</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The La Paz County Sheriff’s
Department and the Buckskin Fire Department sent a diver down with a video
camera to see what he could see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What he
could see was that it was two plastic skeletons with sunglasses, sitting in
lawn chairs, having an underwater picnic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No murder scene and strange serial killer disposal site there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although somewhat disconcerting, the
underwater picnic isn’t really illegal and the skeletons got to stay
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No word has been forthcoming on
the creator of the tableau.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that's about all the bones a fat woman could dig up, folks.</span></div>
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</o:p></span></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p><br /></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<br />
<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156140278221677209.post-70833338697592882372015-06-17T10:23:00.001-04:002015-06-17T10:23:33.037-04:00Iron Moon: A Cat Clan Novella is Out!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht3W5Ei9hFogeW4RXWV1mfUqiFZSAbDcLKBT6Q88O-I6rTVwLPGJ22-civUNmR8wJVaBecR8PSB5BG4mst2WI3YJ9epdzKyw4xhMS_s0F60PdRjtZVLVITeTD0VAg5c9fNfhYcGB370hiA/s1600/ironmoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht3W5Ei9hFogeW4RXWV1mfUqiFZSAbDcLKBT6Q88O-I6rTVwLPGJ22-civUNmR8wJVaBecR8PSB5BG4mst2WI3YJ9epdzKyw4xhMS_s0F60PdRjtZVLVITeTD0VAg5c9fNfhYcGB370hiA/s320/ironmoon.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>Iron Moon: A Cat Clan Novella</em> is now available!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lena is a werecat from the Los Angeles Clan and is on the
trail of Martinez, an evil shifter responsible for the kidnappings and deaths
of other weres.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lena travels a
precarious path through the shadow realms of South America as she searches to
bring Martinez to justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yves, a wolf
shifter, is also on the trail of something equally important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The elusive scent of his mate has brought him
to Peru, just in time to see Lena taken away into a dark pit of a world where
females are a commodity and no one is really safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together they will face their burgeoning
attraction and the untold dangers of Ukhu Pacha, the underworld of ancient Inca
gods.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A novella of about 36,000 words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Iron-Moon-Cat-Clan-Novella-ebook/dp/B00ZQ0ZPPO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434455113&sr=8-1&keywords=iron+moon+bevill" target="_blank">Purchase here on Amazon</a>.</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/550887" target="_blank">Purchase here on Smashwords.</a></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/iron-moon-cl-bevill/1122135604?ean=2940151248235&itm=1&usri=2940151248235" target="_blank">Purchase here on B&N.</a></em></div>
<br />
<br />Carwoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10002487139206073620noreply@blogger.com0