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Sunday, June 24, 2012

I Have Mooooooved OR My Brain Has Left the Building OR I'm Writing a Blog to Make Mysefl Feel Better

Well, I don't have my bamboo pad to do wondrous illustrations to offset my sarcastic sniping.  I think the bamboo pad is somewhere in the southern United States in the back of a big truck, along with the rest of our stuff.  In other words, there won't be quaint and gut-splitting drawings.  So I'll stick something in that I already did.

I think it's apt to malign HIM again.
Where was I?  Oh, yes.  Moving.  Well, it's a horrid, wretched story.  The cat went into his kitty carrier and stayed there for 12 hours straight.  I had to force him to drink water and that wasn't pretty.  On the other hand, the pharmacy in Bristol, Virginia is a happening cool place because they gave me a free syringe.  (Those of you without pets will have to ask those of you with pets about this process.  I have to take a break to change the bandages on my arms.)

The battery of the car died right at the beginning of the trip, causing HIM's vein in his forehead to pop out ominously.  Fortunately the good neighbor was home (HIM said he would rather be dragged through poison ivy and poison sumac and poison oak before asking the bad neighbor for a jump.  Also he would take a cab to the auto place first, but we dodged that bullet) and gave us a jump.  Our first stop in our 12 hour extravaganza was at Auto Zone where we purchased a new battery for $155.  I'm told by HIM that one does NOT skimp on car batteries.  (I assume HIM is right but what do I know?)

But we were in such a hurry that HIM stuck the new battery in the back of the Explorer and decided just not to turn the car off for 12 hours and/or 600-ish miles.  That was loads of fun.  We only stopped to go to the bathroom, get food, force water down the cat, and fix the straps on the doohickey we bought to put on the top of the car.  (I said something about stopping to pee and HIM glared at me.)

Incidentally, it turns out that Uhaul won't rent trailers to people with Ford Explorers.  Uhaul sucks.  They said it was an insurance issue.  (Ford Explorers = Lawsuit badness)  We saw a mini-truck that had been chopped, slammed, and dropped and IT was towing a Uhaul trailer.  The connection nearly dragged on the asphalt and the back doors of the trailer were held together with a bungee cord, but hey it wasn't a Ford Explorer so I guess they didn't have an insurance issue.  Silly me.  (Seriously, chopped, slammed, AND dropped AND hauling a Uhaul trailer.  I'm not making it up.)

So we bought a thing that gets attached to the roof.  It's a thing.  You know, a technical term.  A thing.  You attach it to the beams on top and put stuff in it.  The whole way I was afraid it was going to blow off and kill the poor, unfortunate souls in the vehicle unlucky enough to be directly behind us at the time it decided to attempt its great escape.  (Cue Steve McQueen with a baseball and glove here.)  HIM put a strap on it because it was advised in the consumer reviews.  (Learn from some other poor bastards mistakes, I always say.)  The strap made noise.  It made a weird noise.  In fact, it made lots of weird noises.  In the first three hours of the trip we stopped four times to adjust the strap and beat my head on the tree on the side of the road.  This reminds me of advice I gave to HIM about keeping me happy.

Unhappy Fat Woman
Another old illustration because I don't have my bamboo pad which is driving around the countryside even as I type.

Happy Fat Woman.  (Birds singing here.)
There was some other madness involved.  My stomach rebelled about hour 11 and I decimated the rest stop at the Tennessee/Alabama state line.  (I think they took a photo of our license plate as we left so we would be banned from there for ever more.)

I was going to do a three parter on the moving thing, but I find myself getting tired of even repeating it.  So today they called to say the antique truck might be delivered today but the 60 odd year old fuel hose went buy-bye.  He might not be able to get it off the truck.  Hahaha.  I'm going for the alcohol in the fridge.  Maybe I'll take pictures.  The house stuff is supposed to be delivered on Monday.  I think I need a trip to the liquor store.

Anyway, the moron cat is okay now and exploring his new house.  The kid's okay, too.  She took the trip better than anyone else.  She got to watch Tron and Peter Pan.  She was rooting for the crocodile.


R. Mac Wheeler said...

I ever tell you I love drama queens?

You are marvelous. I sooo look up to you.

I plan to emulate you the rest of my life.

(Can you tell I'm rained in, on a Sunday I'm supposed to be out taking pictures?]

Carwoo said...

I'm not really a drama queen, except when I'm writing. Then it's drama mama, all the time. I luv writing. Stay dry or keep your head above the water.

Kay said...

Glad you are back! I missed you!

Curmudgeon said...

Die Hard. Isn't that the name of a violent Bruce Willis movie? And aren't they all violent since Moonlighting?

Carwoo said...

Die Hard. Die Hard with a vengeance. Diet Hard. Die Hard in a wheelchair. There are so many to choose from. Poor Bruce.