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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Slug A Bug! Or Legitimate Ways to Hit Your Sibling

So when my sister and I were growing up we used to play this game.  The game was usually played while in the car.  The game commenced when one of us saw a white VW Beetle.  (The old classic style, of course, because the new one had not yet commenced its state of being.)  And yes, it had to be white.  (Them was the rules.)

Ye old putt putt car.  (While I was posting this picture, my daughter came
in to get my help with a craft project and nailed me.  Good thing she
doesn't know how to hit hard.)  (Dammit, she just did it again.) (And there's the third
time because I made the mistake of showing her the blog again.)
The lucky person to see the bug first got to smack the other one in the arm, shoulder, side, etc.  (I believe the accepted locale was the upper arm because Marquis of Queensberry rules did apply, especially when a parent was in the immediate vicinity.)  The winner got to hit the other one.  And parents couldn't complain.  (Well ours didn't.  It wasn't like we were punching each other in the face.)  So the object of the game was to be the one with the least amount of bruises on their arms at the end of a given trip.
Our mother, about to have an internal cranial implosion.
This was pretty much our entire trip to Disney Land in 1975.
All 800 miles of it.
And yes, that was actual smoke coming out of her head.
A few years ago, was it a few years?, VW starts with the commercials about Slug A Bug, but they didn't really call it that.


And isn't it funny that Stevie Wonder has the magical power to see the color of VW's?  But hey, they're not playing the game right.  They're hitting for EVERY single VW out there, every model.  That's a lot of VWs, ergo, that's a lot of hitting.  (I was trying to find the one where a guy thumped a baby but I didn't find that one.  Maybe VW was embarrassed even it if it was a teensy weensy little thump.)

So here are my Official rules for Slug a Bug.  (Modified for present day.)

1.  All VW Beetles count.  Old classic ones get two punches.  New Beetles get one.  Only classic or new Beetles.  No other VWs.  No Vanagons, Things, Jettas, etc, and especially no Routans.  (That's keeping the game pure.)

2.  Slug a Bug must be called when the hit is made.  (Cressy, our daughter, often will say, "Mommy, put your arm back here," while we're going about our daily business in a precursor to hitting me with a Slug a Bug.  She doesn't yet realize that she's warning me.  But she's getting better.  Last week when I reached back to Slug a Bug her, she quickly punched my arm first and yelled, "Slug a Bug!" getting the drop on me.  A true child of my loins.)

3.  No punch backs are allowed. 

4.  Only one punch per day per bug.  (That means that when we drive past the red one that lives around the corner it can only be used once in a 24 hour period.  Cressy doesn't always get this one because she'll forget that it was used before.  After all, she saw it first the second or third time we passed it in a day.  Power to the elementary school kid.)

5.  Any color of a Beetle is allowed.  Not just white ones.  (I seem to recall that there was also a game about white horses and involved pinching.  I believe my sister and I were vicious little beasts.)

6.  If a person is slugged and it is determined that a Beetle was not seen, the initial hitter gets twice hit back and harder.  (Vicious.  Little.  Beasts.  We.  Were.)

7.  VW Dealerships only count if they're accidental.  HIM has been known to deliberately drive by places he knows that there are Beetles.  (I don't want to think about the variation of the game that HIM and his sister played as children.  It was probably bloody and involved chainsaws and gas powered tools.  The Marquis of Queensberry rules were akin to a foreign language to them.)  (Upon consideration and decades of hearing stories about the road trips that HIM and his sister were dragged upon (HIM's exact phrase, 'dragged upon.') (Look parenthesis within parenthesis.  This could be bad.) I figure that there was an invisible shield in between the front seat of the family car and the back.  My FIL and MIL probably completely tuned HIM and HIM's sister out unless blood was being squirted over the backs of the seats.  I don't have photographs but HIM often complains about his sister breaking the camera at an early age.  Oh, what joyful times.)
My MIL and FIL on one of their infamous 'road trips.'
Apparently the back seat was where all the action
took place.

8.  If you own a Beetle then it can only be 'slug a bugged' once per 24 hour period by the first person who sees it and calls it.

9.  The driver of the car is not encouraged to play.  (Gee I wonder why.)  But stoplights are a free for all.

10.  Whining in the game is generally prohibited.  (Cressy compensates by saying, "Ah, man," in a saddened tone of voice as if she has just lost her best Barbie doll.)

11.  No knuckles.  (This is for HIM, who must have learned this particular torturous technique as a child.)  For everyone else, this means when slugging, you don't push out one of your knuckles in order to facilitate a better bruise.  (I know this makes HIM sound mean, but he really isn't.  Old habits die hard.)

12.  Only hands may be using for slugging.  No baseball bats, wrenches, iron skillets, or maces.  (There's a reason I'm adding this.  A very scary, sincere reason.)  Just in case someone gets any special ideas about Slug a Bug.

13.  No imaginary Beetles.  HIM knows what I'm talking about.  If HIM is the only one who sees the Beetle then there is a distinct possible that it wasn't really a Beetle.  (It was a 'ghost' Beetle.  Holy shades of What's Up, Doc? Batman.  That's only for Bogdanovich buffs.)

14.  Only actual, live, in person Beetles count.  Not pictures on say, a blog, or the TV, or in a magazine.

Here's the new New Beetle.  I think it looks like a squashed old New Beetle.
(Could have been a birth defect.)  Also if you're playing by Cressy's
rules you can now Slug a Bug someone.
Addendum (Cressy rules from her perspective):

1.  If I see it second, although you saw it first and called it, I shall say that I saw it first and Slug a Bug you.

2.  No one shall hit me harder although I have that option to tenderize your fleshly upper arm with impunity.

3.  If you see one, you shall ignore it and pretend you didn't see it first, so that I may see it and consequently call it on you or Daddy.  Mostly you, though.  (Apparently the fact that Daddy makes most of the money that buys my toys has rubbed off on me.)

4.  I can pretend that I didn't see that red one from around the corner for the third time today and use it again.  (The 24 hour rule only applies to you, Mommy.)

5.  I'm not really caring if you're driving when I see one, Mommy.  I want to Slug a Bug you and in an impertinent fashion.

6.  Whenever I see a Beetle, whether it's on TV, on the net, or say, on your blog, I'm going to Slug a Bug you.  Especially you Mommy.  Remember you started this game.

7.  I always win.  Sucker.

With that in mind, I think I'll go look on Amazon and see if they have 'What's Up, Doc?' on DVD.

1 comment:

Teresa Christianson said...

But if it is a toy slug big does that count? My dad is trying to say they do. Mind you he is 72 and we still play the game. Lol