And here we go. Here's Mellow the cat. She's an innocuous appearing large boned animal who prefers wet food and isn't really a cuddling type. (When I threw a toy for her, she looked at me as if saying, 'Do you seriously think I'm going to chase after that when someone will open a can for me instead? Fool. And btw, I have plans to shred your underwear later. Insolent peasant.')
|Mellow in a nonthreatening moment OR the instant before she attacks|
and eats your big toe. Also your ear. Maybe your pinkies, too.
|The Silence of the Pussies.|
Well, I guess Mellow can't be a bad guy all the time.
|Somewhere Judy Garland is rolling in her grave.|
|I couldn't find one where Bruce Willis wasn't bald or looking like he just|
took down Hans in Die Hard. Oh, well. Mellow will just have
to understand my artistic mentality.
And that being said, I have to pay homage to my favorite movie of all time.
|Roy Scheider! Robert Shaw! Where are you?|
Oh, hell, no. Not finished yet. Mellow, you're going down.
|Yeah, punk. Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya?|
Am I getting carried away? Maybe. But I ain't done yet.
|Do you think Mellow needs an axe for this one to work?|
There. I feel my dissing work is thoroughly accomplished. Mellow is either going to hide in Tibet and become a Buddhist monk or she's going to hire a hit man. One or the other.
A final note: HIM has suggested that Mellow could have her own guest blog: Confessions of a Fat Cat, if she's feeling perky. Bring it, bee-yotch.