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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

OH NO! I May Be Ranting! Again! Don't Tell HIM or My Sister!

Here is a recent review from a satisfied reader  (You know, the reviews I'm not supposed to look at, comment on, even glance at, or rant about in a demeaning manner.  Those reviews, yes.)  (But this was a happy review.  C.L. Bevill = Good writer.  Yea!  C.L. Bevill!  This review makes me want to spin through an alpine meadow singing, 'The hills are alive with the sound,' or something like that.  Maybe it makes me want to spin through an alpine meadow singing, 'You shook me all night long.'  Yes, that's more the picture I'm looking for.)  (And it reminds me that recently a mommy friend told me that her four year old daughter LOVES, LOVES, LOVES the movie, The Sound of Music, and has watched everyday for the last month.  Good movie but my brain would have rotted into mush.  When Cressy was that age we watched Wall-E for six weeks straight and my brains did turn into mush.  Seriously, even zombies weren't interested.)

I can totally picture Julie Andrews rocking out to AC/DC.

 Anyway, I think I was actually talking about a review.  So here it is:
So this is a good review.  This person liked Bubba and the Dead Woman and gave it five stars.  Thank you so much for the good words about Bubba!  (Yea!  Positive reviews rock!)  But what's with all the symbols?

HIM, the man to whom I am married, said it was because the person was using a Linux operating system and the translation was iffy.  (Funny story about the word, iffy, and the weather, but I'm digressing and in a very bad manner.  So I'll get back to that.)  (And a personal note to HIM, not everything in the world has to do with Linux operating systems and computer information systems.  Sorry, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, but it had to be said.)

Symbols.  Right.  Okay, this isn't the Da Vinci Code around here.  I'm not an alien.  (The last time I looked I still only had two boobies instead of an alien standard of three.  That's pretty conclusive, right?)  The NSA isn't parked down the street.  (Although that cleaning van has been here all week and what are those satellite dishes pointed in my direction?)

Okay here's another one for a novella I wrote:

Is this from a certain kind of phone?  Are people saying something to me that I'm not aware of?  I feel incredibly old all of a sudden.

But then I have to put this one on because I've gone off on a sudden tangent of gargantuan proportions and feel compelled.  (There were no symbols involved.)  (You know the reviews I'm not supposed to read anymore.  Shh.  Don't tell HIM or my sister.  I'll send you homemade brownies.):
Worthless drivel

Crude, not believable.
This one is in reference to The Life and Death of Bayou Billy.  Granted this is probably the one book I've written where people seem to gravitate in a spectacularly polar manner.  They hate it.  Like him above, Mr. Worthless Drivel.  Or they love it.  But I felt compelled to talk about it because my work has never been called worthless drivel before.  Ever.  It's a first.  I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars.  ("You like me.  You really, really like me."  or in this case, "You hate me.  You really, really hate me.")

My initial reaction to 'worthless drivel.'
I'm honestly touched that someone felt so obligated by a free download that he had read to come back and write five words about it.  Five whole words.  Those words must have been torn from his tortured psyche.  So what did I do?  I went to all the digital platforms and added the following to the description of Bayou Billy.  Warning: May contain poopoo language for those who are easily offended.  There may be worthless drivel contained inside.  What can I say?  It's my description of my book.  I can write what I want about it.

So HIM just texted me and asked what I was doing.  I replied that I was writing worthless drivel and couldn't be interrupted.  HIM naturally interrupted with, 'Garbage?  Utter garbage or just worthless drivel?'  This, of course, prompts me to go off on yet another tangent.  God, I love those tangents.  They make life so darned interesting.

Shades of mediocrity.
There it is.  The big list of how to judge an author.

And by the way, does anyone know why there's symbols on the reviews?  Cause I'd like to know.


Anonymous said...

Honestly, you are a good writer. I just finished reading "Veiled Eyes" and I really enjoyed it. My only criticism is that if you're going to include French in any future novels, please at least google the correct usage first. Your characters kept saying things like "ma frere" instead of "mon frère," and I rather think that it'd be "beau père" or possibly "bel père" instead of the "belle pere" that you used as the name for one of the boats. I was also a little confused as to why the boats were named "step mother" and "step father" to begin with. For the most part, however, I was so engaged in the story that these little things didn't bother me a whole lot until I hit the end. When one character is shouting about protecting "le famille!! le famille!!," I wanted to shout back, "LA famille! LA famille, it's feminine, you homicidal lunatic!!" I dearly hope for future stories in this series, as I did love all of the characters, just please google your french words/phrases before you put them into practice.

C.l. Bevill said...

Alas, I've been told that I make quite a number of errors. I will say that it's a bastardized French in that area and it doesn't always use the same formal French. (That's my excuse for making a booboo. At least someone didn't go from having red hair in one chapter to having black hair in the next. Or if I did that, then oops.) Glad you liked the rest of it.

C.L. Bevill said...

Oh, yes, and you might like Disembodied Bones (Lake People 2) better. There's not nearly as much French language usuage. Heeheehee.