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Monday, June 6, 2011

The Attack of the Great, Huge, Glomping, Dripping, Drooling Personnals

So I was sitting around, drinking tea, contemplating how I was going to go back on the diet wagon tomorrow, how I should probably eat everything in the fridge today, and how I'm probably going to be horribly, wretchedly sick later on today.  And it occurs to me that I've got nothing much to blog about.  I could blog about my diet...for the 20,000,000th time.  (Yes, diet again.  Good luck.  Let's make a pool about how long this one lasts.  If she can get past 24 hours then she's doing pretty good.  Hahaha.  I paused to warn HIM, the man to whom I'm married, that I would be dieting tomorrow.  I said it would be kind of like PMS except I'm not actually having PMS, I'm having hunger pangs and also bad temper due to a drop in blood sugar.  I think I might be something like this.)
HIM deciding discretion is the better part of valor or suddenly
deciding that South America sounds like a dandy place
to visit on the spur of the moment
Of course, when Godzilla popped into my head, I thought of what a sad lonely life he must have.  After all, Godzilla's the biggest boy on the block.  Sure, he's radioactive and he's got flames shooting out of his body that have to be a problem area for him.  He must get teased.  He's kind of green or is it black?  He's got some dental issues.  (Do I have to mention the sulfur breath?)  Let's face it.  Godzilla must be hard up.  He's always attacking Tokyo and I'm thinking the Japanese must be tired of all those fires and giant footprints in the middle of their town.  He's just a big, misunderstood kind of goober.  And looky, looky, looky, I've suddenly gone on a wildly divergent tangent of monstrous proportions and I HAVE SOMETHING TO BLOG ABOUT!  LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN!  YEA!

The keys to understanding Godzilla
First, a make over for the big green colossus.

Stage 1: Finding one's perfect foils
There.  Big improvement.  What else?
Stage 2: Flirting with subtle changes in appearance.
All right.  It is an interesting look but maybe not the one we're shooting for.  I think we want confidence but not overconfidence.
Still on Stage 2.
Hmm.  Almost there.  Needs a little tweaking.
Still on Stage 2 and holding.  This might take some adjustment.
Okay.  Not quite right.  Let's try again.
Still tweaking Stage 2.
Or does the pony tail say, 'I'm a little sleazy and hey, dated to the fifties and/or sixties.'?  Maybe.
There ya go. 
Now, for the personal ad.

Finally, Stage 3: the dissemination of the availability
Yes, but does it really describe the essence of the overly large
monster in need of female companionship?
Okay.  I'm going to try again.
But does it really nail that which is truly Godzilla?
One last try.


Oh, if this doesn't do it for the big lizard face, I don't know what will.

But I've had a moment.  I felt compelled to add a video.  Who doesn't want to rock out with BOC singing to clips of Godzilla kicking butt?  (Someone should remind him not to act like this on his first date, but not me.)
Yeah.  That's it.  Remember live long and screeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhh!

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