I tried to tell Cressy that there are little kids in Africa who have to make their own toys from rusting wire and stones, but she looked at me as if I had lost my mind. (This reminds me of my mother telling me to clean my plate because of starving children in China. That really worked, too. Not.) I found a picture of a child who made a car out of a milk carton to show her. She was not impressed.
|See, he's happy but Cressy was all like, "So? What does|
this have to do with me?" Subtlety is lost on her.
First up, this isn't really a Barbie. It's Tinker Bell revisited in pink emo-gothic, something-or-other, because Tinker Bell wouldn't be Tinker Bell if she didn't get to change her outfit and your daughter didn't want to buy Tinker Bell in her new outfit. (Fortunately for me, Tinker Bell seems to be on the way out. Sorry Disney, don't send your goons to the house.)
Then there was, what the hell is it? Creepy little Baby Alive, as compared to what? Baby Dead? (The brand name is Baby Alive. I did not make this up.) The expression on this doll freaked me out. I thought she was going crawl out of the package and start chewing on some part of my anatomy, and not in a good way. Furthermore, they want passerbys to reach in and touch that mouth. (See it says so on the box, "TRY ME!" just in case you missed the creepy little open mouth and the creepy little buck teeth that are ready to chomp down on you, dumbass.) Like ewwy:
You know, I have to amuse myself somehow while Cressy is shopping. Otherwise my brain will explode. So, I saw this next. Cressy called it a "Feather-butted Barbie," which I thought was apt and pretty clever coming from an eight-year-old. It's hard to tell from my bad photograph but those ARE feathers around the doll's posterior area:
Next up, there's Barbie as a teacher. Typically I wouldn't say anything. (I wouldn't!) But this one ticked me off because of the glasses. You know only people with glasses are smart enough to educate our children. Really? REALLY, Mattel, you should slap your own hand.
Then there was this one in the special Barbie section. (It's very, very special!) At first I thought they were going for lederhosen Barbie or Lost in the Alps Barbie. All she needs is cheese and sheep. Also one of those big horns so she can call, "RIIIIICOOOOLAAAA!" But I looked closer and saw that it was really Irish Barbie. (Did they go to Ireland? Did they check with the Irish? I don't think so.) I think Mattel missed the mark:
Okay, finally, before Mattel sues me for something obscure, there was this one. Computer Engineer Barbie. While I applaud Mattel's pursuit of the "intelligent" Barbie, I have to say, "Glasses again?" If Barbie is smart enough to be a computer engineer and trendy enough to have the pink computer and the cool fashiony clothes that only Computer Engineer Barbies can have, then SHE'S GOING TO GET CONTACT LENSES! I'm pretty sure. (But maybe Mattel figures that since no one really knows what a Computer Engineer does, then they can get away with it.)
Hours later, we escaped from...the toy zone. Acquisitions included a Lego set featuring Mario and an Angry Bird plush. No Barbies this time, thank God.