Therefore, I've received instructions from several people. In particular these people have spoken: HIM, my sis, and my daughter. It was a truly biblical moment. HIM said it first. Cressy, my daughter, said, "Don't be sad, Mommy. Be happy." (Can you believe she's never heard that song?) But my sis said it best. Really, she nailed it. And here I go, quoting because well she made the mistake of emailing it to me, and I know how to use the copy/paste command:
You've got to stop reading the comments. These are not people with any kind of brain capacity. Birds fly through one ear and out the other. These are mole people from the center of the earth. Vegetoids from planet Puree.Things from another dimension where they elected Sarah Palin President (shudder). My cat possesses more insight into literary criticism than these people do. She'd tell you if you hadn't pissed her off. Really. Seriously. Stop. Reading. The. Comments. Stop. Stop. Stop.There's a funny story about her cat in there that I feel compelled to tell. (How I pissed off my sister's cat is the story, in case you've missed the way my brain is bouncing around.) Once I visited my sis in Spokane. This was the same trip that I experienced the flight attendant joy that is **KYLE** and the wrath of not having potable water on board a plane when I've just consumed a Venti Chai Tea Latte. (See 'Why I Love to Fly in Airplanes Or How a Venti Chai Tea Latte Almost Ruined My Personal Flotation Device.')
|The alleged cat, Mellow. Looks pretty benign there, doesn't she?|
Well, don't hang your hands over the sides of the bed at night, dumbass.
|Yes, I know I've moved past the cat story but I'm feeling the|
creative dialogue mood.
|Okay, if you don't get the reference then you need to google it.|
And don't mention that you hid in a closet during the eighties.
|Okay, referencing the same movie. But if you met this cat, you would|
But wait, I found pictures of the damn dam (Haha. It's not as funny the second time.) that my sis's nice friends so graciously took us to see. I'll explain why I was so silly. I went to visit and the time zone is three hours earlier. So by the time the laser light show was starting it's like 1 AM in Fat Woman Time. (That's a special time zone. FWT.) I wanted to see the light show, but I was pooped. Then I became silly. (And I hadn't even had a drink. Man, if they had given me alcohol there would have been a lampshade and not much else, I'm telling you.) (Anyone who didn't have a vision of a naked fat woman wearing a lampshade on her head and nothing else doesn't have an imagination.)
|My sis at the Grand Coulee Dam, I swear.|
Postscript by me: In anticipation of the note I'm going to get from my sis, the same note that's going to specifically say, 'You can't copy/paste this one or I'll fly over and hit you over the head with a wet noodle.' Sorry. Sor-ree. I couldn't help dissing your cat. She asked for it. I swear.