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Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween OR I May Snark About Halloween OR My Favorite Holiday-Long May it Reign?

So it dawned on me that I didn't do a special Halloween edition.  Here ya go, something to scare you:

Yes, I know she's deceased.  Despite the fact that
one has to admire the woman for putting up
with the whole Jim Bakker/Jessica Hahn thing
and carrying on like a good little evangelistic trooper,
that make-up will live in infamy.
INFAMY!
Also it is scary.
Okay, I've had my little joke.  Wait, one more:

Look Cameron Diaz without makeup.  Girls
can't win, can they?
All right.  Back to Halloween. 

I'm doing a celebrity theme here.  Since I was just
talking about Justin Bieber dolls, I thought it
was way cool that there's a Justin Bieber zombie.
See the worm coming out of his eye?
Genius.
Anyhoo.  Halloween.  Any holiday that requires folks to pass out free candy to people who ring the bell is good.  (Things I hate: You, the person who leaves their porch light on during Halloween evening and deliberately does not answer the bell.  Turn your frickin' light off you anti-Halloween scrooge.  Kids think you're serious.  And buy more candy next year, loser.)

Where was I?  Oh, yes.  Halloween.

I never owned a cat that would have allowed me
to do this to them.  I would have bloody stumps
and I would have spent Halloween in the
emergency rooms with all of the drunks dressed
as ghosts.
Back to Halloween.  Here is what I'd like to do to a pumpkin because it's kew-ell.  Also it's scary.  And how in hell did they do the tongue?

How long did it take to carve the little pumpkin?
And what is the tongue because it looks like
an orange sock or something.
And how could I discuss Halloween without a nod to John Carpenter?

Pretty sure this isn't Jamie Leigh Curtis,
but I liked the photo.
I remember seeing Halloween way back then and we were all looking over our shoulders for Michael Myers.  (Oh, just Google it for those of you born after 1975.)


Oh, NO!  I'm on a weird tangent.  Could be ugly.  Wait, I'll take care of it, right now.

She had to put tape on top.  Duct tape and a lot of it, too.
I'm having a problem imagining the woman who says, "I'll
just make my boobies Garfield's eyeballs."  I mean,
seriously.  Either she's got a fabulous sense of
humor or her boyfriend giggled for three days straight.
Someone likes cats.  I can tell.  What kind of costume party was that?  Bet you forgot about Michael Myers.  He's baaaaaccccckkkkk.  (Wait, that's Jack Nicholson.  My bad.)

Okay, this was lame.
If I mention Michael Myers then I've got to wander over to Elm Street, am I right?


Oh, Freddy, you're so droll.  Can I milk this one anymore?  Let me think about it.

Why am I picking on the Steelers?  I do not know.  If this really
ticks you off, just imagine I wrote in there, Cowboys or Buccaneers or
something equally abhorrent to you.
Anyway, Happy Halloween.  May you get Snickers and Kit-Kats instead of gumballs and pencils in your little buckets.

3 comments:

Jo said...

They seriously ought to make a mask of Tammy Faye. I know she's dead, but damn.

Thanks again for the giggles!

Carwoo said...

I know! I bet they did do a mask of her. I saw Obama and Sarah Palin masks and I laughed my tooshie off.

lyn moffett said...

I'm new to this " blogging" so bear with me please. I just want to say I love the Bubba books . They are so funny and kept me amused for hours. I didn't want them to end. I don't have a blog of my own. Wouldn't know where to start. I think you are so funny and can't wait to receive more updates on any of your books. Thank you