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Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Return of Alligator Girl!!!!

So in writing and illustrating my 7 year old daughter's scary story, the Attack of the Zombie Kids!!!, I created a monster, metaphorically speaking.  I made the strategic error of showing her the illustrations I did to her story (See the blog, 'The Attack of Alligator Girl and the Zombie Kids!!') and she was SO thrilled, she wanted to do another one.  ("Right this damn minute and so what if you needed to get eight hours of sleep, Mommy.  Story, now."  This isn't really what she said but it was the general gist of the one-sided conversation.)  This one needed to be bigger, scarier, and more alligator-y.  She wanted uber special effects.  She wanted the James Cameron budget.  She wanted George Lucas to direct and maybe write it, too.  Or maybe the guy who did Wall-E.  She wanted an Oscar nod for best picture and best supporting graphics.  She wanted it Ruh-EAL.  ("Mommy, I shall tell you another story and you will make the pictures.  But this time, really, really good pictures."  And she looked over my shoulder while I did the pictures to ensure quality control.  "No, Mommy, MORE blood.  NO, ickier!")

Therefore, I present:

The RETURN of Alligator Girl!

Wait.  I was instructed to make the opening credits better.  Let me try again.  With more icky blood.

Once upon a time there was a girl.  She was a normal girl.  She had typical days.  She went to school.  She watched Spongebob Squarepants.  She thought that broccoli was the suckiest vegetable ever grown.  She thought that shape bracelets were out.  She thought that boys in school have cooties, and she would never, ever, in a million years, ever kiss one.  Gross buckets.
Then one day the girl went out.  It became night.  The stars came out.  Something really strange happened to her.  She shivered and shook.  She trembled and tumbled.  She got goosebumps and accidentally farted.  (Not really, but as a writer I feel obligated to add to the story and well, I can't help it.)

The girl turned into ALLIGATOR GIRL!!!  Da-da-dah!
(Cressy really liked this illustration.  She said I really captured the luminosity and essence of a truly horrific monster.  But really what she said was, "Awesome.")  Alligator Girl had alligator skin.  Alligator Girl had alligator claws and feet.  Alligator Girl had sharp teeth.  Wait.  I've been corrected mid-story  Alligator Girl had sharp teeth dripping with blood.  And Alligator Girl had red eyes that scares the crap out of anyone looking at them.  Also Alligator Girl has frowny face lines to show that she's really pissed off at EVERYTHING!  (Alligator Girl sounds like me five days a month.)
Does that look like enough blood?  I think so.  But Cressy seems a little blood thirsty.  ("More blood, Mommy!")

Then Alligator Girl lost her freaking mind.  Did she eat the Easter Bunny again?  No, that poor pink bastard got away this time with his cotton tail and chocolate Easter eggs intact.  (And btw, I'm told that the Easter Bunny actually poops out jelly beans.  And also btw, I'm not eating jelly beans anytime in the foreseeable future.)  The Alligator Girl saw a little girl who was minding her little, innocent business while standing outside at night and...Alligator Girl ATE the little girl!
Cressy said, "Awesome," again when she saw this picture.  But what I see is Alligator smooching on someone.  If I told my daughter that, she'd probably say, "Ewww, Mommy."  (And btw, does Alligator Girl look like she's turning into the Hunchback of Notre Dame or is it just me?)

I was instructed by Cressy that the blood dripping from the teeth picture should come after she ate the little girl, so I'm putting this picture here, too.  (Those directors/writers/producers are real prima donnas.)


But Alligator Girl was still hungry!  So she ate a fast food place!  With everyone still inside.

But Alligator Girl was still hungry!  Oh, no!  So she ate a CITY!  (Can you see where the extra budget for special effects is coming in handy.)
And then Alligator Girl was STILL HUNGRY!  So she ate the world.

The end.  And then Cressy said, "And they all lived happily ever after.  And she turned back into a little girl."  (And who am I to point out some of the obvious plot failures in that?  Nuh-uh.  Not this mommy.)

"Great story," I said.  "Thanks, Mommy," Cressy said smugly.

I love my job.

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