|I call him, Mr. Cresty.|
(I may need help with legal
fees when Crest sues me.)
There was an entire shelf of Crest toothpastes and amazingly all of the boxes looked pretty much the same. There was Crest gel. Crest with Scope. Crest with stripes. Crest with glitter. Crest with sparkles and glitter. Crest with a cherry on top. (You have to take a moment to imagine six feet by six feet of pure Crest products and me standing in front of it as if I had been hypnotized. I had been trapped by...more death march music here...merchandising.)
|Think of this picture except the ENTIRE wall of crest in boxes that all look the same.|
They also have Crest 3d. And I believe it was Colgate that has the moniker, optic white. While I can understand the need for adjectives that enliven and perk up your product, I think these guys are going overboard. (AN ENTIRE SHELF, FROM FLOOR TO ONE FOOT OVER MY HEAD, filled with various types of Crest toothpastes. That's a lot of frigging toothpaste. So obviously they had to get jiggy with the adjectives.)
Let us now examine adjectives in our life. Let us now rephrase that. Let us now flipping examine mother**king adjectives in our bleeping life. Do advertisers, wait, barglefarping advertisers think that we need colorful, wondrous, tremendous adjectives or else we will not be interested in their bland, underwhelming, boring products? I think yes. So why doesn't Crest come in twenty different boxes with distinct color variations? Because once your mundane, snurglepoofed eyes get caught in the mind-numbing wonder that is the flipperific eyesore of the Crest aisle, they hope you won't look away. (Or at least until you've bought more Crest stuff.)
Somewhere there is a study where Crest looked to see if people who were trapped in the Crest toothpaste aisle bought more Crest stuff. (I've gotten tired of using bleeping adjectives, you'll forgive me.) And now I'm going to make the toothpaste carton talk because I've gotten completely off the sanity train.
|See, Mr. Cresty is just a good ol' comedian.|
|And an entertainer at heart. He wants to |
clean your teeth AND sing for you.
|Also Mr. Cresty wants to find the right woman.|
And there is the end of my sad, toothpaste lament.