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Monday, May 7, 2012

I Shall Blog OR The Blog Has Cometh OR Watch Out, More Stuff OR I'm Going to be Mean to Someone Else Besides HIM

Recently I was chastised about teasing HIM, the man to whom I'm married for decades.  HIM has done something to make me irate and well, it comes out in the blog, many, many times.  What has HIM done?  If you don't know, you haven't been reading my blogs.  (Bad reader.  Go back and read some.  I'll wait.)
I'm singing the blues.  I couldn't imagine anyone but a flapper singing the
blues.  Oh, wait, B.B. King playing Lucille popped into my head.  Too late.
Here's what HIM done.  HIM done me wrong.  (Hahaha.  It's a blues song title.  Sing it with me!)  HIM decided to take a new job and the rest of the family should just shut it and move happily with him.  Meanwhile, I'm in the middle of a schedule of writing and moving means I can't write, which means people write me things like, "I'm having a Bubba withdrawal," and "Why aren't you writing faster?" and "Why haven't Bubba books magically shot out of your aft area?"  (Well, no one wrote the last one, but I imagine people are thinking it.)

Yes, I sound like an eccentric writer now.  ("I cannot move, darling, I'm writing.  Nuff said.")  The last time we moved, I had to go on psychotropic drugs for two years.  The book I was working on at the time has never been finished and it was almost half through.  (Good idea too.  I might go back to it.  It had a guy who had lost his daughter and was determined to find her ghost because he was certain she was dead.  It had a whole ghost hunter thing going on, way, way before all the stuff came out on the Syfy channel.  Damn, it was a good story and I couldn't finish it because my mind had gone down the rabbit hole and not in a good way.)

Bubba fans, please pay attention to the fact that these
are business casual shoes and slacks upended in
the grass.  You know, the kind business casual
professionals use, like oh, um, HIM?
Anyway, so HIM decided to move and although HIM conferred with me, ultimately it came down to the fact that HIM really, really, really wanted this particular job.  Also HIM said, in a particularly dense moment, "Don't worry.  I'll take care of everything."  However, HIM is NOT taking care of everything, because HIM is already in Alabama and I'm here, winding things up with the daughter in school and other random crap.  (Painting, paperwork, contracts, contractors, packing, dealing with other stuff, etc.)
Did HIM commit a crime?  No.  Is HIM guilty of horrible, wretched things?  No.  But I'm irritated and this is the way I work it out.  Besides HIM reads all these blogs before I post.  If HIM had a problem with it, he would say so.  Here is HIM's comment:

I refuse to comment on the grounds that it will incriminate myself.  (And he's a rocket scientist so it's not like he doesn't know what I'm talking about.)

Ways to torture HIM:

1.  Burial in an ant hill.  (The red kind.)
2.  Smear his entire body with poison ivy.  (He's truly allergic to it.  The kind where he has to go to the doctor and get special meds for it.  And by the way, Alabama has LOTS of poison ivy.)
3.  Smear peanut butter on the toilet seat in the middle of the night.  (If you don't know this one, go talk to an adolescent.)
4.  Call his cell phone and ask if his refrigerator is running.  (All right, this is lame.)
5.  Blog about HIM until I'm tired of it.

There ya go.  HIM is not a crook.  But HIM is a pain in the a**.  HIM is MY pain in the a**.  I suppose I'll keep him.

But wait.  I DO want to be mean to the driver of this car:
Yes, this is a tan Avalon with the VA plate of XKD-8764,
in case anyone has trouble seeing it.
Why?  Because she went through an entire school zone doing at least 45 MPH!  Then she got to this stop light and had to wait two minutes anyway like the stupid, unthinking person she is.  And look at the back of her car because there is an interesting dichotomy there.  She supports finding a cure for breast cancer (yea boobies!), but screw all the little kids walking home from the elementary school because she has to go fast through the school zone (boo, little children!).  Shame on you, unknown woman driver from Manassas, VA.  I hope someone you know sees this blog and points it out to you.  Your driving sucks and you're going to hurt someone.  (Probably not pink clad boobies, but possibly small children trying to cross the road because it's the only way home and you're driving down it, without thinking.)

There.  I was mean to someone else besides HIM.


Charolotte1 said...

I have always wanted to be able to tell someone who was a very bad or foolish driver what i thought. You go girl!!

Charolotte1 said...

I have always wanted to be able to tell someone who was a very bad or foolish driver what i thought. You go girl!!

Charolotte1 said...

Uh...i think i screwed up...yup, i did. Not only did i publish the same comment twice, i also opened a new account instead of signing in with my original. Uh...sorry, mea culpa, lo siento, etc.. I am really Charolotte Raymond.

I just tried to sign in with my original account information, but now find that i can't find myself. I seem to have lost my original sign in information and now i guess i will remain, "Charolotte1."

Carwoo said...

While I was waiting at the light behind this woman I almost got out to tell her she was an idiot, but my daughter was in the backseat and I figured she wouldn't be able to bail me out of jail since she's only eight. Thus the woman driver got away but not in blog.