Spoiler alert: After writing this, it dawned on me that some of you might not have read both of my Bubba books. *Gasp* (Bubba and the Dead Woman and Bubba and the 12 Deadly Days of Christmas. Shame on you.) If you haven't read the second one, then the following blog contains a little spoiler about the plot in that. Don't read this. Go buy the second Bubba book, Bubba and the 12 Deadly Days of Christmas, and read it. Then come back and read this blog. There. Long-winded, but jeez, it had to be said. (And what the hell were you thinking not reading both Bubba books?)Well, I think the title of the blog could be a little longer. (Let me cogitate about that. I might be able to add some more words.) Hell, I might as well go for the Bulwer-Lytton award. (It was a dark and stormy night when Bubba fell on his butt, chewing bubble gum, whilst singing, 'Over the rainbow,' in his best Judy Garland imitation, and said, "Oh, fiddlysticks, I've lost the rhythm.") (For those of you who need to understand what the Bulwer-Lytton Contest is, go here.)
Back to my daughter. One night I asked Cressy, my daughter, what she was going to dream about. "Oh, a giant dragon who flies down and plays with me. He's not a bad dragon. He's a good dragon. No, he's a she. She's purple. And she sparkles. Also she likes ice cream. And she eats the nasty boy who told me I couldn't dive off the diving board at the pool with my goggles on." (We had an issue with someone at our pool.) (In any case, it goes along this vein for quite some time. Sometimes it becomes almost like a novel and I'm certain that this child was NOT exchanged for another child at the hospital nursery. No changelings in my house, by God.) "Hey, Mommy, are you asleep? What are you going to dream about?"
So I tell her that I'm working out in my head what happens to Bubba, my character from my novels. He's got a girlfriend and she's missing and he has to find her. Like many plots, I have to create devices and think of situations that will be entertaining and mysterious. Not that I used those exact words to Cressy. She's seven, as I've said repeatedly. Mysterious to her is yelling boo around the corner when she's already giggled loudly and given her position away. Mysterious to her is disappearing her favorite toy after I say, "Look up in the sky!" Mysterious to her is how shrinky-dinks get smaller in the oven when they're baked. (Okay, okay, you get the picture.)
Cressy digests that information for about thirty seconds. Then as I'm about to tell her to sleep good and leave the room, she nails me with, "You know what, Mommy?" My response is usually, "No, honey, I don't know what." But she doesn't always get that I'm making a joke. In this occurrence, she said, before I could say anything, "I know what happens to Bubba."
And away we go. (Remember, Cressy's perspective and her story.)
|In Cressy's version, Willodean is apparently as dumb as a box|
of hammers. Where does she get this? I do not know.
What will happen to Willodean? Will the tree monster keep her inside it forever? Will Bubba never know what happened to Willodean? ("Mommy, I think her name should be Jennifer or Charlotte. Those are prettier names than Willodean.")
So Bubba is hunting for Willodean. And there's an evil scientist who wants to have Willodean for his...girlfriend. So he made a tree monster. (I think Cressy's telling too much back story here, but she's only 7 so we have to give her credit for creativity.)
|You know, I had waaaaay too much editorial advice on this one.|
HIM and Cressy were lurking behind my shoulder giving
sage recommendations and guidance.
|Hey Bubba and Willodean fans! Don't worry! This didn't really|
hurt Willodean. She was wearing her bullet proofed vest AND, more
importantly, Cressy said she wasn't hurt. "Don't worry, Mommy,
Willodean wasn't really hurt by the tree monster."
|See. Willodean all unharmed. Just pissed off. Who wouldn't want|
to hang out inside of a tree monster?
|I really like that Cressy has Willodean rescue herself. In my version|
she would have shot out its eyes and used the tree branches to roast marshmallows.
|Cressy thinks that playing Legos together is the ultimate form of|
friendship. Should be an interesting discovery for future
boyfriends. (Did anyone notice that Bubba and Willodean
are walking off into the sunset together?)