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Monday, August 15, 2011

Going to the County Fair During a Thunderstorm OR How Lightning Could Be Bad For Your Health While On a Ferris Wheel

Warning!!!!!  Could be more silliness involved.  I might be jumping from subject to subject in an undetectable manner.  Look, flying boogers!

"Why?  Why do I have to tilt my head?
Why are you bothering me?  I have to ride on
all the rides with Cressy while you just stand
around drinking lemonade.  *Whine.*"
We went to the county fair yesterday.  (You might have suspected from the pithy title.)  So naturally it rained cats and dogs.  (Wouldn't it be funny if it really rained cats and dogs?  Talk about social programs that would need to be created.)  See the rain on HIM's hat above.  That was after we took refuge in a tent and consumed of the lemonade and corn dogs.  (This is a reference to 'The Stupidest Man Ever' blog from February of 2011.  We eat of the pork.  We eat of the mystery meat in the corn dogs, too.  With big smiles on our faces, too.  Or at least everyone but Cressy.)
See.  Lemonade and corn dogs.  This is after
the rain and several hours so Cressy is
clearly pooped.  Just look at the way
she's eating the stupid corn dog.  It looks
like it has mange.  Haha.  It's a corn dog pun.
But after the consumption of fairground delicacies (Somehow we missed the cotton candy and deep fried Twinkies.  Gasp!) we were back to the enjoyment of the rides.
See.  HIM had a look on his face that said,
"Why did I agree to this?"  It also smacked
of Nancy Kerrigan, "WHHhh-yyyyy?"
(Okay, low blow to Nancy Kerrigan but I
couldn't resist.)
I had a moment of clarity here.  Here it is explained in visual effect:
Of course, I had to go back and point something out in this picture that the average viewer/blog reader might have missed.
I didn't go on the Ferris wheel with HIM and Cressy because my MIL was with us.  (But also because I negotiated who would get to go on all the rides with Cressy before we got to the fair.  Haha.  I'm smarter than HIM.)  So we stayed on the ground whilst HIM and Cressy got to see the storm up close and in a friendly fashion.  (Upon contemplation, this was probably a bad idea to allow my only child on a huge, honking piece of metal that extends several hundred feet in the air while there was a thunderstorm approaching.  And oh, yes, maybe my only husband, too.  Oh, HIM knows I love him.)  (Even Ben Franklin would be saying, "Hmm.  Key on a string to a kite versus being on a Ferris wheel that puts you as close to the action without actually being encased in a suit of armor?  Who's on the $100 bill, bee-yotch?")
Cressy and HIM on the purple Ferris Wheel.
It really was purple.
Hey, I was on the ground.  This was funny to me.
Do you think that the fair has insurance?  Hmm.
We did take refuge next to a concession stand, the employees of which glared at us for using their cover without purchasing the $6 lemonade or the $4 bag of premade, multicolored cotton candy.  (We ignored them.)  And in the long run, here's what everyone looked like, very soaking, sopping wet.  (It turns out that rides are almost as much fun with streaming rain coming down as without.  More screaming ensued.  I think it was the good kind of screaming versus the bad kind that says, 'EEEEKKKK!  THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO KILL ME WITH A CHAINSAW!  EEEEKKKK!!!!!')
HIM is not really sweating like a pig.  This
is rain damage, plus he sat on a ride
while it was pouring so he got the infamous
wet butt stain that people could laugh at but
won't because they're all wet, too.  (Did I mention
that I asked HIM, my MIL, and Cressy if we
should bring an umbrella and was summarily shot
down, so I retaliated by grumbling
about umbrellas for the rest of the day?  I should
have mentioned it.)  Do I need to mention
the intelligent person in the picture with the blue
umbrella?
 And again I'm forced to add artistic license to the photographs because it needs to be more than self-explanatory.  (HIM just read this and said it should be sartistic - a combination of artistic and sarcastic.  Haha.  He should be a comedian, except not.)
Then the sun came out and everything started to get steamy.  Really steamy.  There was steam coming off the asphalt.  We went to check out the Home Arts exhibits and discovered that Cressy's snickerdoodles had gotten a participation ribbon and her collage had gotten another participation ribbon.  (A participation ribbon is the green ribbon that they give out when a child under the age of 8 didn't get first, second or third place.  Don't tell Cressy.)
Cressy slaved over these snickerdoodles
and they were woefully under appreciated
by the judges at the fair.  As a matter of fact, these
snickerdoodles were doodlicious.
Yes, I know I made up a word, but it was necessary.
Anyway, we don't need no stinking ribbons.
These were damn good cookies.
But here comes a cookie related tangent.
I mean, these snickerdoodles were so good, they could sing
from 'The Pirates of Penzance.'  I dare you to tell me that
these cookies weren't good enough for at least a third place.
(Artistic note: the hat was supposed to look like an old fashioned
generals hat with feathers but I think it looks like some Alpine
boy who's about to yodel for his sheep/cows/other animal that I
don't know about.)
And now I'm drawing cookie-related doodles.  (Get it?  Snickerdoodles?  Cookie doodles?  I amuse myself.  Sometimes only myself.  But still amusing.)

And Fat Woman has left the building. ( Zinged Elvis and Frankie
in the same caption.  Very sad.  My mother would have
slapped my hands.  She loved Elvis and Frankie.)
Anyway, we went to the fair.  We were rained upon.  Cressy walked away triumphantly with a pink dolphin.  Upon arriving at home everyone collapsed in a coma-like state that was similar to what zombies go through except without the consumption of brains.
She's still alive, I swear.  And the dolphin makes
squeaky noises when you squeeze one of it's
flippers.  I hate the stupid dolphin.
And thus concludes the epic journey to the county fair.  May it never happen again, until maybe next year.

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