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Friday, January 31, 2014

More on Being 50 OR Oh, Crappoes, Fat Woman Shall Now Commence the Rant AND Also Some Content About...GASP!...Exercise!

There's something about a t-rex chasing you to
get you to move on out.
Recently I turned 50, and readers shall probably read about it until I get used to it or it gets old.  (Get it?  Gets old?  No, just me?)

Consequently, I broke out the bucket list and read where I wanted to hike 50 miles at age 50 on the Appalachian Trail.  (I don't specifically remember writing that on there.  Must be me getting old.)  Then we moved and I'm pretty sure I couldn't drag HIM or the kid on a 50 mile hike, and let's face it, I don't know if I could do 50 miles on a single mountain hike.  (Doubt does arise.)  So I came up with 50 miles in 50 days.  It's reasonable and I won't be far away from an ambulance.  This I could drag HIM with me, and sometimes the kid on her scooter or her bike.
Needs several reps to really work.
So off we go.  A mile or so every day.  I'm doing a little more because I expect something to happen and I'll have to skip a few days and I really want to do 50 miles in 50 days at age 50, because if I don't I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror, plus I told my doctor I would do it and he giggled.  (Seriously, he giggled.  I should be offended, but for some odd reason I wasn't.)
What does this have to do with me being obnoxious while
walking?  Nothing, but it's my blog.
What's the funny part?

One day we're walking down the green way and it's a nice day, so lots of people are out and walking, biking, jogging, getting out while they can.  As we pass people I say, "Hi."  Half the time they don't say anything back.

Here's where I get strange.  I mean, is it that hard to say hi back?  No.  (I wasn't asking for their first born child or anything of that ilk.)  Half of these people are being obnoxious effs.  Then I stopped saying hi, so HIM felt compelled to fill in for me.  For HIM, they say hi.  More women do, anyway.  But strangely some men do it, too.  (Hmm.) 

Consequently the rant began.  I theorized that if I said, "Hi," and the person didn't say "Hi," back, then I could say, "I said, Hi, bitch!" and they would acknowledge me, thus validating that I was a person to whom one should say hi.  Or validating that I was a person who didn't really care if I ticked a total stranger off on a walking trail.  Either one.  Upon sharing my revelation with HIM, HIM decided that he should walk ahead of me and pretend that we weren't married.  I think I saw him surreptitiously putting the police on speed dial.  (I have consequently determined that exercise makes me mean.)  (I wonder how that would sound in a trial?)
I'd look like a complete ass if I ran like I stole something.
Then I'd fall over and die after 50 feet.
The next victim quickly approached and I said, "Hi."  To my utter disappointment they said, "Hi," back.  So I was robbed of an opportunity to validate myself with the calling of the licentious name.  And it was thusly until we reached the parking lot.  Every single one said, "Hi," back to me.  I felt robbed.

How did they know?
If you HAVE to exercise, then do it in the most imaginative manner


Anonymous said...

I HATE it when you say Hi to someone and they act as if you are invisible. Used to happen all the time at work but I fixed them, I retired! Vgaither

Linda said...

It's the south!!
When I moved to the south (from the midwest and earlier life in the east) I was terrified when total strangers walking past me on the sidewalk would make eye contact and speak. They weren't bums looking for a handout, they were ordinary decent looking people. Took me awhile to learn to deal with it and even speak back.

Lauran Strait said...

Funny, Caren. The ones who foiled you plan and responded to your "HI" obviously were mind reading effs.