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Friday, December 13, 2013


Warning: the author may change subjects randomly because that's the way she is.
I think if I had a townhouse like this I would definitely
paint it like this.  Rainbow bubbles or something
vaguely LSDy.  What does this have to
do with my foyer being painted?  Well, nothing,
but I started looking for weird painted houses and
found a bunch of funky houses.
The foyer in our house is being painted.  Could they bang on the walls any more than they are?  I don't think they could.  I think they're wailing on my walls and giggling about it.  Why can't I paint my own bleeping foyer?  It's two stories and I've discovered that I have a fear of heights in my older age.  Standing on the ground looking up = okay.  Standing on a ladder looking down = whoops, so much for those panties.
Who doesn't want a cow house?
Furthermore, I asked them how they would work around the stairs and the guy said, "That's a piece of cake."  To which I said, "How is that a piece of cake?" because I am disbelieving and I want to know how they do it without scaffolding, a parachute, and some vicodin.  He tells me that they will simply stand on a tall ladder and cut in at the top.  Then stand on a six foot ladder and roll the rest.  Haha.  So funny.  I need to check to see if my insurance covers dumbasses.  This is the part where my husband or HIM decides to take the child and scamper off to South America for the duration of my crankiness.
I like that the stars aren't all even but then that's the
way I think.
I mean, have you ever woke up in the morning and said, "I should just go stay in the closet for the rest of the day."?  Well, this morning I did.  HIM wanders in and says, "Good morning," and I say, "What's so bleeping good about it?" except I didn't use the word, bleeping.  Then the kid wants chocolate milk and the chocolate syrup only wants to make big chocolate colored syrup farts (this is ugly if you haven't seen it) and I'm not sure if the result was really something I could call chocolate milk, or even semi-chocolate milk.  In any case, the kid did drink it, without saying anything about it, so I'm saying, "Yes.  I pulled the chocolate syrup lacking wool over my child's eyes."
I'm completely past the whole foyer painting
thing but how could I not
put this house in here?
The neighbors must be pissed.
Then the kid says she needs money for the school's Christmas shop.  (Excuse me, I think they're calling it a holiday shop to avoid political hysteria.)  Do I have money in my wallet?  No, I have a credit card and a debit card.  I almost gave the kid the credit card with instructions on how to fake sign mommy's name.  Then I robbed HIM's wallet.  HIM had fives and ones.  I nearly started looking under the cushions in the couch.  But no I remembered the kid's change purse and stole all her money to give to her to spend.  (Does that make me a bad mommy?)  I stole my kid's money to give back to her to spend.  I'll go to the bank and get more money to stick in her change purse, so technically I won't steal from her.  But I can't go anywhere because the painting people are here and I can't leave.
Could be a Scottish house.
The cat has hidden under the bed for the duration because he's afraid of the painters.  He thinks the doorbell as a signal for the apocalypse.  All is safer under the king sized bed in the master bedroom.  Haha.  Is there room under that bed for me?  Nope.
I love the rainbow house.  Needs to be on
a beach somewhere.
But I did finish the first draft of Bubba and the Zigzaggery Zombies.  Yea.  I even finished my first edit.  I sent it off to the editor, who will polish it up for me and tell me if I made an insane hot mess of the whole thing or not.  HIM said I nailed it, but HIM is legally and morally obligated to say that.  I can't trust him to tell me if it sucks big hairy moose dick or not.  I have to wait until the reviews start coming in, which is like sitting on a bed of nails.  (I don't really sit on a bed of nails.)
In conclusion, I hate having my foyer painted, and I can't make chocolate milk because I ran out of chocolate syrup, and I'm pretty sure that HIM might be afraid of me in the morning, but I did finish the draft of my latest Bubba masterpiece and am getting it ready for release.  I'm thinking late January.  I will announce it, of course.

Sigh.  Back to work.


Lauran Strait said...

"I remembered the kid's change purse and stole all her money to give to her to spend. (Does that make me a bad mommy?)"

I've done that before. We're not bad moms. We're quick thinkers!

Loved the house pictures. I don't envy you the painting fumes and noise today.

Lauran Strait said...

And congrats on finishing the newest Bubba Book. Let me know when it's available for purchase. I enjoy my occasional Bubba fix.

Anonymous said...

I so needed a good laugh this morning, thanks. Finishing new Bubba is good. (Looking forward to new Lake People-hint, hint.) Hope your day gets better.

Andrea Batten said...

I so love your blog and can't wait to read the new Bubba book. Love me some Bubba. Did I ever mention that my son's nickname is Bubba. lol. Happy day to you. Hopefully the painter's will be done very soon.