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Thursday, September 6, 2012

More HI Drama OR I WILL Rant OR I Will Rant Some More!

New house.  New problems.  Contractors.  Me.  What does not fit?  (Remember in this blog, HI stands for Home Improvement not Hawaii or Hi or whatever else HI can stand for.)

The situation: the a/c is leaking.  The primary drain pan is broken.  I called the warranty people.  They sent out Company X.  Company X RUSHES over, says, "Your shizz is broken.  I will either order parts to repair or replace it.  Give me a few days.  Give me my $100 service fee check."  I gave them a check and a few days.

from www.radix.com
Think this is what happened inside my brain.
August 14th - Contractor X appears, waving his a/c willy about in an unseemly fashion.  He manly struts to the a/c unit and determines that I am, in fact, correct.  The shizz is leaking.  Soon the shizz will be leaking down my walls.  He will get back to me.

August 17th - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and left a message.

From www.freakingnews.com
Maybe this is what happened.
Not exactly sure.
August 20th - Morning - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and talked to "Twinkie."  (Not her real name.  Names have been changed to protect the stupid.)  Twinkie is the poor dumb sap who's been delegated phone duty at the Contractor X company.  Clearly she has gone through this process of evasion before.  She said she would have the tech call me back.

August 20th - Afternoon - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and left a message.

From
http://alieneyes.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/reality-explosion-hollywood-movies-propane-fuel-fire-colour/
Okay, this is really what happens when I have a period,
but I liked it for the blog, too.

August 21st - I called and left a message at Contractor X's place o'fuckitoffitness.

August 22nd - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and twalked to Twinkie again.  (Twalked, that's funny.)  Twinkie said the tech would call me.  (Twinkie also twalked like she hadn't twalked to me before because clearly she's related to my daughter's moron cat.  Possibly first cousins.)  (Now I want to sing, "I go out twalking after midnight," a la Patsy Cline.)

From
http://www.motifake.com/big-explosions-explosions-demotivational-posters-102457.html
Okay, nothing to do with the blog, but I'm on a roll.
August 22nd - Contractor X CALLS!  I nearly fell to the ground in ecstasy.  The earth moved.  I almost didn't know what to say to him.  I was stupefied.  Said he was waiting for parts and would call no later than August 29th.  Gave me his cell phone number.  (Big mistake on his part.)

August 31st - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and left a message on his cell phone.

September 4th - Contractor X has not gotten back to me.  I called and left a message on his cell phone.

September 5th - I tried Contractor X's cell phone once last time.  He answered and then immediately hung up on me.  (His caller ID must not be working.)  I said to myself, "Someone doesn't want to speak with me.  I am dismayed.  He must think I'll give in gracefully.  Haha.  He doesn't know me very well."

From
http://sayforward.com/tags/explosions
I'm thinking this is really disgusting when it
pops kind of like a snot bubble,
but it's supposed to be from the Trinity
Explosion, so I guess it's nuclear history.
(New-clear.)
September 5th - I called the warranty people and said their contractor sucked big hairy moosedick.  Warranty Wendy (another clever name change on my part to avoid Law Suit City) said, "Would you wait on hold whilst I call Contractor X?"  I said, "Good luck with that."  Five minutes later, Warranty Wendy came back on and said, "I left a message."  I said, "What a surprise."  Warranty Wendy said, "I have to give them a few shots."  I said, "I believe hot air has just been blown up my skirt, but wait I'm not wearing a skirt."  Warranty Wendy said, "Is your a/c unit still leaking?"  (I think my brain cracked at that moment.  Let me ask you, do you think that Warranty Wendy REALLY believes that my a/c unit stopped leaking and that I conveniently didn't need the service anymore OR did Warranty Wendy hope that my a/c unit had stopped leaking and that I wouldn't sue them for damages?  Personally I think she dropped out of school in the sixth grade and forgot to get that GED.)  Warranty Wendy cleverly ignored my sarcastic snark and said she would call me back later today.

Tomorrow I will call Warranty Wendy back.  I hate contractors.  I hate warranties.  I hate toe cheese.  Also I hate that little plastic ring on milk jugs but that's a whole different reason.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You have my complete sympathy. How do these folks sleep at night?
CM