So there I was with an impaled boobie and I was kind of stuck in a state of mental well-what-the-fuck-am-I-supposed-to-do-about-it and it dawns on me that a woman couldn't possibly have invented the underwire bra. I mean, she would have to have known better. I should have known better. In fact, when I related the incident to my sister on the phone she said, "Well, why did you buy an underwire bra, for fuck's sake?" (Except she didn't SAY, "For fuck's sake," but I'm pretty sure she was thinking it.) So it had to be a man. So while I was meditating on what to say next I googled it and sure as shit, I was wrong. It was a woman. A dumbass who apparently never wore the thing herself. Since she patented in the thirties I can only assume that she was both trying to appeal to female vanity and attempting to make a buck in the Great Depression. Anyway, if you're at all interested look for who invented the underwire bra on wikipedia. Nice long article that tells you way too much about boobie attire and how we really got to the Wonder Bra.
All of which makes me think of the fact that I'm certain that somewhere, somehow some pitiful unfortunate woman had her underwire bra break while she was in the middle of something and she DIED because it hit her aorta or something equally vital. (It says on her gravestone: Poor pitiful, unfortunate Gertrude Jones, victim of fashion and a weak underwire from an underwire bra. WTF was she thinking?)You decide. The underwire bra, a boon to mankind (Ha! It only makes mankind look at boobies more.) or a horrific implement of a vindictive man or woman as the case might be.
Where are the bleeping band aids?